Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Jan. 2, 2003 / 8 Teves, 5764

Argus Hamilton

JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Bobby Knight scolded Texas Tech fans for low turnout at basketball games. The team is struggling. Bobby Knight has no recruiting scandals, no illegal junior college transfers and no doctored transcripts, and he has the record to show for it.

George Steinbrenner fainted at Otto Graham's funeral Friday. The eulogy got to him. When they said Otto Graham led his team to the NFL title game nine times and never made more than ten thousand dollars a year, the Boss went out like a light.

McDonald's stock rallied Monday when its restaurant sales last weekend were not hurt by the specter of Mad Cow. Appearances are everything. Until the heat is off, Ronald McDonald has been told to cut the clowning and make like Alan Greenspan.

Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman assured Americans Monday that United States beef is safe to eat. She said muscle cuts of beef have almost zero risk. Tell that to any woman who ever worked on the set of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

Hillary Clinton was named Most Admired Woman in America while President Bush was named Most Admired Man in America in Gallup's annual poll. They have more in common than you might think. The both have the same campaign slogan, Four More Years.

Wesley Clark released a new campaign commercial that shows President Clinton hanging the Medal of Freedom around his neck. The Medal of Freedom had a special significance during the Clinton Administration. It gave you the right to date around.

Tom Ridge updated reporters on the latest terrorism alert Monday. An orange line was painted down the middle of the halls of all government buildings. That way the bureaucrats arriving late for work do not bump into the ones leaving early.

The FBI warned police Monday to look out for anyone carrying almanacs. They contain information about the U.S. that terrorists can use. It's safe to say the writing staff at Jeopardy has made the president feel like an idiot for the last time

Donate to JWR

Appreciate this writer's work? Why not sign-up for JWR's daily update. It's free. Just click here.

Argus' Archives

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton