Jewish World Review Jan. 17, 2003 / 14 Shevat, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
North Korea's Kim Jong Il rejected the U.S. offer of oil and
food in exchange for nuclear disarmament. He called the offer
loudmouthed, painted cake, pie in the sky. The University of
Michigan read his statement and admitted him sight unseen.
The Supreme Court is reviewing Michigan's affirmative action
policy. It awards twelve points for a perfect SAT but twenty
points for being black. The school will right this wrong the day
Michigan takes on Ohio State in the Trigonometry Bowl.
U.N. inspectors searched Saddam Hussein's presidential
palace Wednesday. They spent four hours searching his offices,
going through his books and opening his safes. The FBI told them
that if all else fails, they got Al Capone on tax evasion.
CBS News said Russia offered Saddam Hussein sanctuary if he
wants to leave Iraq to avoid being overthrown in a war. It's his
last chance to get away scot-free. Illinois Governor George Ryan
left office Monday without returning his call.
The Postal Service said this week's anthrax scare was a
false alarm. Everyone has been looking for white powder in the
U.S. mail. Whitney Houston already made plans to turn down the
Golden Globe Sunday night and go home with the envelope.
Texas Tech lost thirty vials of Bubonic Plague from its
laboratory Wednesday. Turns out a scientist destroyed the vials.
He was only trying to increase the proportion of Black Plague
vials and Montezuma's Revenge vials to give the campus more
diversity.
Hillary Clinton was named to the U.S. Senate Armed Services
Committee. She said it will give her a solid background to praise
or criticize President Bush. It would be the first time she ever
confronted a president without a lamp in her hand.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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