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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 8, 2006 / 14 Menachem-Av, 5766

Coping With What's Eating You

By Rebbetzin Feige Twerski


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Many hesitate to get help, because they see it as a sign of weakness. Others believe that they deserve to suffer. Still others mistakenly think time will cure everything. All are misguided rationalizations


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Some years ago, I took my father, of blessed memory, to a physician for a consultation. After the examination, the doctor shared his conclusions with us, and we prepared to leave. Just as my father was about to walk out of the office, he turned to the doctor and said, "Doctor, you're the first medical professional who didn't hassle me about my weight. How come?" The doctor's wise response was memorable and I have quoted it often since. He said, "Rabbi, it's not what you eat, it's what eats away at you that really matters."


I thought about that this morning when a young woman came to see me to discuss her troubled marriage. She unloaded 15 years' worth of pain, anguish, and emotional deprivation. My heart sank as the picture grew darker and more hopeless. When I could bear it no longer, I erupted, "Why did you wait so long to get help? What have you been doing for the last 15 years, while all of this was eating away at you?"


PRIDEFUL RELUCTANCE
Indeed, one of the greatest frustrations I have experienced in more than 30 years of counseling is the prideful reluctance of individuals and/or couples to seek intervention when a problem first arises, or at the very least, when it becomes clear that the problem is not going away.


Invariably, by the time the situation comes to our door there is so much accumulated anger, bitterness, and resentment that a veritable wall, impenetrable to scale, has been erected; by then an almost superhuman effort is needed to break through.


Negativity of this magnitude ravages not only its object, but its bearer as well. Resentment, someone explained, is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die. The fact is that, as my father's doctor observed, "it eats away at us." We become the victims.


APPROPRIATE ASSISTANCE
King Solomon exhorts us that if there is worry or concern in one's heart, one should speak about it to those who can be of assistance: "If there is anxiety in a man's mind let him quash it, and turn it into joy with a good word — a righteous man gives his friend direction." (Proverbs 12:25).


In modern day we have many choices available to us — rabbis, therapists, counselors, and other professionals that a particular situation might call for.


Articulating one's problems and issues in the presence of an objective party gives one access, at the very least, to greater clarity and insight. Dealing with a problem at its inception can avert much heartache and many tragedies — divorce, alienation, destroyed relationships, etc.


Many hesitate to get help, because they see it as a sign of weakness. Others believe that they deserve to suffer. Still others mistakenly think time will cure everything. All are misguided rationalizations. A woman at a seminar once asked me how we can teach our children to deal effectively with the stresses and challenges of life.


I responded that our children watch us very carefully. Our behavior is the example we set for them to follow. Our message to them needs to be that when life gets tough, we don't crumble or run away, we don't give up the ship. We don't avoid facing our issues such that we become frustrated, bitter, angry, and resentful.


ALL ONE'S STRENGTH
The story is told about a little boy who, while playing in the backyard, tries to move a big rock from its place. He pushes and pushes but to no avail. The rock doesn't budge. Frustrated, he turns to his father who, instead of being sympathetic, admonishes his son, "You are not using all your strength." The boy turns once again to push the stone, huffing and puffing, pushing and pulling, but once again with no success. Much to his surprise, he hears his father, chiding him, "But, son, you are still not using all your strength." Spent and fatigued, the young lad cries to his father, "How can you say that? I have tried my best!" "No you haven't," responded his father, "you didn't ask me to help you."

ENJOYING THIS ARTICLE?


You can buy the rebbetzin's book, from which it was excerpted, at a discount by clicking "here". (Sales help fund JWR.).


Meeting the challenges of life effectively belongs to those who have the foresight and the courage to seek out, in a timely fashion, those who can enable them to use all their strength.


And it also most definitely belongs to those who turn to the Source of all strength — to G-d. Prayer gives strength. Faith gives strength. Recognition that we were placed on earth for a purpose and that the One Who put us here gives us reservoirs of strength to cope with the challenges of life — that, too, gives strength and perspective. And with proper perspective, even mountains become molehills.


Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspirational articles. Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



Rebbetzin Feige Twerski of Milwaukee, Wisconsin has devoted her life to Jewish education and Outreach, giving lectures worldwide on a myriad of Judaic subjects. She is a mother of 11 children, and many grandchildren whose number she refuses to divulge. She serves as the Rebbetzin along side her husband, Rabbi Michel Twerski, of Congregation Beth Jehudah of Milwaukee. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2006, Shaar Press