Jewish World Review June 29, 2001 / 8 Tamuz, 5761

Tennis or tenacity?

By Susan R. Weintrob

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- OUR sixth graders were on a camping trip in Upstate New York. I joined them for two nights, enjoying the camping, their company and the topic of Jewish ecology. One morning at breakfast, I had a conversation with a young girl from an area Day School, which was participating in the same program that my school was. She told me that after 8th grade she was going to public school. Why, I asked her.

"I think I will have learned all I need to know about Jewish stuff and now I need to learn more about the important subjects, like math and science."

"Do you think you have learned all you need to know about math by 8th grade?" I asked the girl.

"Of course not. Math is part of every day life," she replied seriously.

"Isn't Judaism part of your everyday life?" I asked.

"Not after my Bat Mitzvah-not the way math is."

These remarks were somewhat surprising to me from a girl who had attended day school all her school life. It supported my belief that perhaps the most crucial age for our children Jewishly is the high school years. To stop a Jewish education at that age is as tragic educationally as to, well stop reading or learning math. Eighth grade level simply is not an adult level of learning.

I compared this conversation with one that I had the recently with one of the active parents at my school. This spring, she had completed an intensive Jewish education seminar.

"Anne" enthusiastically described all the ways in which she had changed-learning Torah, participating in her synagogue, her feelings about being Jewish in general. But later on, she told me about an incident that exemplified her the changes in her life.

Anne will be playing tennis on the American team in the Maccabia in Israel next month. In addition to rigorous training, she is scheduled to play in regional tournaments, including one in Forest Hills, Queens. All the tournaments are on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. When the manager called her to schedule the one in Forest Hills, suddenly Anne heard herself tell him that she didn't want to play on the Sabbath.

"This is the first request I have ever had like this," the manager exclaimed. "I don't think that we can do it."

"Why don't you just call and ask my opponent and see what you can arrange."

Anne was as surprised as the manager. Her family is moving towards greater observance, but they are not Shomrei Shabbes, Sabbath observant. Why did she find that suddenly she couldn't imagine herself playing in her tennis tournament on the Sabbath? Without knowing it, Anne had come to a crossroads in her Jewish observance. It was not enough to celebrate the major holidays that most Jews do-Chanukah, Passover and so on or even to send her children to a Jewish Day School. Now the Sabbath, certainly one of the harder observances to take on, as a person becomes religious. Yet, here she was. Judaism began to enter into all life decisions-even in difficult one likes this.

Individuals who are not religious have often told me that being observant is easier because the rules are set down, with no alternatives. "You don't have to make any choices-the Sabbath begins at a certain time, keeping Kosher has certain laws-in fact much of life is decided for you. What could be hard about that?"

But they are wrong, because being observant does not take away choice and the consequences of our choices. This is especially true as we move towards greater observance, taking on new obligations and changing our life style.

How to live Jewishly is a question that many of us wrestle with. Anne is still in the process of making these decisions. Do we start the Sabbath exactly at the time the calendar mandates? Can we drive to synagogue? What food do we eat? When do we compromise?

With her permission, I wrote about Anne's decision in our school's newsletter. A few days later, she appeared at my office door. "You won't believe the reaction to your article," Anne told me. I was on the phone and didn't get a chance to hear what this reaction had been. Frankly I was nervous. What HAD BEEN the reaction?

We bumped into each other when she came to pick up her children. Anne's face was glowing. "I had so many phone calls from other parents telling me that they were going through the same decision. They wanted to tell me how they felt and what decisions they were in the process of making." As we talked about these reactions, I saw that Anne's decision had been a two-way phenomenon-she had influenced others and their support had strengthened her. "Kol hakavod," I told her.

Struggles about how to live Jewishly seem easy only to those who are not in the process of change. During this development, people often feel a nagging inside when they act in a way that is over the red line of how they now define their religious way of life.

My young breakfast companion at the camp did not see Judaism intertwined with learning and daily life. Yet Judaism demands that we continue to learn and grow, adding depth to our lives and the lives around us. It is our duty, as educators, leaders and parents, to try to reach adolescents like her, before they drift off into assimilation.

PS: Anne's manager called back. Her opponent had agreed to play on Friday morning. I think both he and Anne were surprised.

JWR contributor Susan Rubin Weintrob is a writer and educator living in Teaneck, N.J. Send your comments to her by clicking here.

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