In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 28, 2008 / 25 Tamuz 5768

Warning: Loony Labels

By Richard Lederer

Bill O'Reilly
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Manufacturers of consumer products have to be liberal with the warning labels nowadays, lest they get sued. In the 21st century, people actually filed lawsuits against McDonald's and other fast-food chains claiming that what they ate in those establishments made them fat in the waist, weak in the heart and clogged in the arteries. For years these unsuspecting customers have been wandering into these restaurants thinking that they served health food. These poor patrons have been receiving hamburgers and french fries instead of celery stalks and carrot sticks.

Frivolous lawsuits are a boon for devious lawyers and warning-label writers. To protect the public from injury ‘ and themselves from lawsuits ‘ many manufacturers include warning labels on their products. Some of these labels alert consumers to unimaginable dangers:

On a package of five-inch fishing lures: Harmful if swallowed.

On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: Do not use as a ladder.

On a snow sled: Sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.

On a package of frozen food: Defrost your frozen dinner before eating.

On a lawn mower: When motor is running, the blade is turning.

On a bottle of spray paint: Do not spray in your face.

On a container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.

On a Eureka vacuum cleaner: Caution: Assemble the cleaner before using.

On a package containing a rubber ball: Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.

On a fireplace log: Caution ‘ Risk of fire.

On a public toilet: Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.

On a package of dishwasher liquid: Do not allow children to play in the dishwater.

On a baby stroller: Remove child before folding.

On a neck wrap designed to be heated in a microwave: Do not microwave while on body.

On a container of pepper spray: May irritate eyes.

On a laser printer cartridge: Do not eat toner.

On a package of rock garden materials: Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.

On a carpenter's electric router: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

On a blanket: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.

On a curling iron: This product can burn eyes.

On a coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot!

On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: Do not use orally.

On a snowblower: Do not use blower on roof.

In the manual for a microwave oven: Do not use for drying pets.

On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets: Warning: Do not use if you have prostate problems.

On the back of a cardboard windshield, for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked: Please remove before driving.

On the packaging for a wristwatch: Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

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JWR contributor Richard Lederer is a language maven. More than a million of his books, which have been Book-of-the-Month Club and Literary Guild alternate selections, are in print. His latest work is Presidential Trivia: The Feats, Fates, Families, Foibles, and Firsts of Our American Presidents

© 2008, Richard Lederer