Manufacturers of consumer products have to be liberal with the warning labels
nowadays, lest they get sued. In the 21st century, people actually filed
lawsuits against McDonald's and other fast-food chains claiming that what they
ate in those establishments made them fat in the waist, weak in the heart and
clogged in the arteries. For years these unsuspecting customers have been
wandering into these restaurants thinking that they served health food. These
poor patrons have been receiving hamburgers and french fries instead of celery
stalks and carrot sticks.
Frivolous lawsuits are a boon for devious lawyers and warning-label writers.
To protect the public from injury ‘ and themselves from lawsuits ‘ many
manufacturers include warning labels on their products. Some of these labels
alert consumers to unimaginable dangers:
On a package of five-inch fishing lures: Harmful if swallowed.
On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: Do not use as a
ladder.
On a snow sled: Sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a package of frozen food: Defrost your frozen dinner before eating.
On a lawn mower: When motor is running, the blade is turning.
On a bottle of spray paint: Do not spray in your face.
On a container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.
On a Eureka vacuum cleaner: Caution: Assemble the cleaner before
using.
On a package containing a rubber ball: Choking hazard: This toy is a
small ball.
On a fireplace log: Caution ‘ Risk of fire.
On a public toilet: Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.
On a package of dishwasher liquid: Do not allow children to play in the
dishwater.
On a baby stroller: Remove child before folding.
On a neck wrap designed to be heated in a microwave: Do not microwave
while on body.
On a container of pepper spray: May irritate eyes.
On a laser printer cartridge: Do not eat toner.
On a package of rock garden materials: Eating rocks may lead to broken
teeth.
On a carpenter's electric router: This product not intended for use as a
dental drill.
On a blanket: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
On a curling iron: This product can burn eyes.
On a coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot!
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
On a snowblower: Do not use blower on roof.
In the manual for a microwave oven: Do not use for drying pets.
On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets: Warning: Do not use if you have
prostate problems.
On the back of a cardboard windshield, for keeping the car from getting
too hot when parked: Please remove before driving.
On the packaging for a wristwatch: Warning! This is not
underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
