May 13, 2013
David G. Savage:
Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross :
Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same?
With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May:
Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.:
How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on
April 22, 2013
US man departing country arrested on terror charges
An unorthodox but growing treatment in a 9-year-old's battle against cancer
April 19, 2013
Caroline B. Glick:
Why Obama's visit to Israel had no impact on public opinion or government policy
Gold collapse: The start of something big?
Livable super-Earths? Two candidates among Kepler's latest finds
April 17, 2013
Too much of a good thing? 'Palestinians' realize downside of foreign aid boom
BAD NEWS: EVERYONE IS RIGHT!
April 15, 2013
Egyptian Christians respond with harsh words to attack -- rocks, Molotov cocktails, and gunfire -- against main cathedral
Marcy Darnovsky and Karuna Jaggar:
High Court to decide if you should own your DNA
US bracing for more Russian blowback after taking action against 18 more human rights violators
April 12, 2013
New cybersecurity bill: Privacy threat or crucial band-aid?
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom:
The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo:
Jackie Robinson's Friend, Hank Greenberg; CNN's Jake Tapper; Texas County in the News is named for 19thC. Jewish soldier and Congressman
FRUITY QUINOA STUFFED PEPPERS: A flavorful, colorful and edible vessel of delicately fluffy, mildly nutty filling combined with chewy apricots, tangy cherries, and crunchy pistachios
April 10, 2013
North Korean missiles: Could US shoot them down?
Warning: Don't waste your capital being fooled by profit prophets
Donald Hensrud, M.D.:
Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Take vitamin supplements with caution --- even approved, they may actually do damage
74 DNA discoveries move cure closer for three cancers
April 8, 2013
Jonathan Tobin: What Part of No Preconditions Do American Jews Not Get?
Is Putin finally trading his own party for a new power base?
Jewish World Review
May 28, 2008
/ 23 Iyar 5768
Are these parents just too slow to be quick?
A fifth-grade pupil wrote in an essay: "I have enjoyed my boyhood so much
that I am looking forward to my adultery."
A young woman wrote to advice columnist Dorothy Dix: "I have been an
adolescent for the past six or seven years. When will I grow up to be an adulteress?"
Eventually little boys and girls do grow up to become adults and adulteresses,
at which point their writing is supposed to get better. But that is not always
the case. If you wonder why Johnny and Jane can't write, take a look at
some of the prose miscreated by their moms and dads. Here are some poor excuses
for excuse notes that were actually received by teachers throughout our
Please excuse Raul from school yesterday. He had a stomach egg.
Susan was not in school today because she had her first menopause.
Stanley had to miss some school. He had an attack of whooping cranes in
Gerald was out last week because his grandmother died in Kentucky again.
Please excuse Margie for being absent Wednesday and Thursday as she was
sick with a stripped throat and an absent tooth.
Ronnie could not finish his work last night. He said his brain was too tired
The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had
to be evaporated.
I kept Monica home today because she was not feeling too bright.
Please excuse my daughter. She had an abominable pain.
Please can Jill not have Jim today? She had Jim last week and is still sore.
Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
Please refuse Robert's absents last Friday. He had a sour thought.
Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He
was home sick from an operation. He had trouble and had to be serpent sized.
Please excuse Redbird. Every time she coff she make whoopie.
Jennifer was late due to our clock getting unplugged and waking up late.
Please excuse the stink on Bill's clothes. We've been spraying the garden
because it is full of abnoxous incests.
Please excuse Jane. She had an absent tooth. Wednesday she will have an
appointment with the ornithologist.
Please excuse my daughter's absence for the past week, as she had a case
of the fool.
Please escuse my daughter's absence. She had her periodicals.
Please excuse Connie from gym class to day, as she had difficulty breeding.
Paulie was late because he was not too early. He is never in no hurry. He is
too slow to be quick.
Is there any excuse for the disrepair of these excuse notes?
Or are the parents just too slow to be quick?
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JWR contributor Richard Lederer is a language maven. More than a million of his books, which have been Book-of-the-Month Club and Literary Guild alternate selections, are in print. His latest work is Presidential Trivia: The Feats, Fates, Families, Foibles, and Firsts of Our American Presidents
© 2008, Richard Lederer
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