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Jewish World Review
May 15, 2007
/ 26 Iyar, 5767
A Little Bit of Comma Sense
By
Richard Lederer
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Are you confounded by commas, addled by apostrophes, and queasy about quotation marks? Do you believe that a bracket is a just support for a wall shelf, a dash is something you make for the bathroom, and a colon and semicolon are large and small intestines? If so, I'm pleased to tell you I'm about to be the father of a bouncing baby about mastering punctuation.
In Comma Sense: A Fun-damental Guide to Punctuation (St. Martin's Press), humorist John Shore and I present what we hope will be a hilarious portraits of American icons and connect each one to a mark of punctuation. We hope that while you're laughing your head off over the weird but instructional examples, you'll master everything you need to know about punctuation through simple, clear, and right-on-the-mark rules.
Punctuation can make an enormous difference in meaning. Which dog has the upper paw?: "A clever dog knows its master." "A clever dog knows it's master." The second sentence, of course. Why do so many people insert a squiggle before the s in the possessive its?
Which speaker beheld a monster?: "I saw a man eating lobster." "I saw a man-eating lobster."
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Note the effect of the missing apostrophe in this sentence: "The butler stood in the doorway and called the guests names." And in this classified ad: "Note the havoc wreaked by a missing apostrophe in this ad: "WANTED: Guitar for college student to learn to play, classical non-electric, also piano to replace daughters lost in fire."
Note the startling result of the absence of hyphens in this headline: FATHER TO BE STABBED TO DEATH IN STREET.
Behold the effect of the missing serial comma (the one that should go before the "and") in this book dedication - "To my parents, the Pope and Mother Teresa." And in this sentence - "At summer camp I missed my dog, my little brother, the odor of my dad's pipe and my boyfriend."
Now have a look at the difference between these two love notes:
My Dear Pat,
The dinner we shared the other night — it was absolutely lovely! Not in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine anyone as perfect as you are. Could you — if only for a moment - think of our being together forever? What a cruel joke to have you come into my life only to leave again; it would be heaven denied. The possibility of seeing you again makes me giddy with joy. I face the time we are apart with great sadness.
John
P.S.: I would like to tell you that I love you. I can't stop thinking that you are one of the prettiest women on earth.
My Dear,
Pat the dinner we shared the other night. It was absolutely lovely — not! In my wildest dreams, could I ever imagine anyone? As perfect as you are, could you — if only for a moment — think? Of our being together forever: what a cruel joke! To have you come into my life only to leave again: it would be heaven! Denied the possibility of seeing you again makes me giddy. With joy I face the time we are apart.
With great "sadness,"
John
P.S.: I would like to tell you that I love you. I can't. Stop thinking that you are one of the prettiest women on earth.
The power's in the punctuation, baby! The first letter is a clear (albeit clunky) profession of undying affection; the second is sure to sweep Pat onto her feet. The only thing separating one document from the other is, of course, punctuation, which can mean the difference between a second date and a restraining order.
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Richard Lederer Archives
JWR contributor Richard Lederer is a language maven. More than a million of his books, which have been Book-of-the-Month Club and Literary Guild alternate selections, are in print. His latest work is Richard Lederer's Anguished English 2007 Calendar: Bloopers And Blunders
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Richard Lederer
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