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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
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David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
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Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
April 24, 2007
/ 6 Iyar, 5767
STOP ME BEFORE I WIPE AGAIN!
By
Michael Graham
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting...I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required." Musician/climatologist Sheryl Crow.
Dear Gaia, Mother Earth, Giver of All Life,
I'm sorry. I had no idea.
There I was, in the bathroom rolling out the Charmin like it was going out of style, and all the time I was killing you. And I didn't even know it.
To be honest, until I heard environmental expert Sheryl Crow speak out on the subject, it had never dawned on me to "count the squares." When I think "destroying the Earth," I think giant meteors, solar flares, or maybe a tear in the space-time continuum if Rosie O'Donnell and Michael Moore ever mated. But toilet paper?
Who knew that the future of the entire planet would come down to the question "one ply or two?"
I didn't think. I didn't care. Not like Sheryl does.
(By the way, Earth Mother, do you happen to know if Sheryl is one of those rock stars who throws her underwear into the crowd? Yikes.)
Me, I'm the insensitive oaf who ignores the paper-free electric hand dryer in public bathrooms and goes straight for the waste-creating paper towels. (If there are no paper towels, I rely on my environmentally-friendly trouser seat.)
If the paper towels are secured inside one of those motion-sensing "one towel at a time" dispensers, I'll stand there waving frantically for minutes at the time to get two, three, four environment-destroying sheets and…killing the earth!
Of course, Earth Mother, the electric hand dryer runs on electricity (duh!), and that electricity comes from burning coal, but what does that prove? After all, the Prius runs on electricity, and every Earth Mother worshipper drives one of those.
(Except, technically speaking, Sheryl Crow. According to her performance contract, every "Stop Global Warming" concert includes 6 cars, 4 buses and 3 tractor trailers.)
Driving a Prius proves we love you, Mother Earth, because it shows we're willing to spend an extra $6,000 to get the same gas mileage we'd get from a regular Toyota Corolla, while simultaneously creating more pollution.
Not to burst any bubbles here, Ma, but because hybrids are so much more complex to make and use more exotic materials, far more coal is burned to make a Prius than a Camry, an Accord or even a Jeep Commander. Plus, according to Consumer Reports, the average hybrid actually gets around 30 miles per gallonabout the same as my unimpressive, unloved, "nobody will drive it to the Oscars®" VW.
And as for emissions, auto expert Art Spinella of CNW Marketing Research points out that while Americans driving hybrids might reduce emissions here, they increase pollution in Asia where the cars are made. "In effect, [hybrids] are exporting pollution and energy consumption."
Would Sheryl Crow do all that if she didn't really, really love you?
Sheryl is also big on recycling. I'm not. I just throw everything in a landfill where it sits and rots, sometimes creating methane gas which can then be captured and used to create electricity.
If I recycled, I could pay higher taxes (recycling is far more expensive than regular trash collection) to have my old beer bottles driven across country in a diesel truck, dropped off at a energy-guzzling factory and convertedthanks to gazillions of megawatts of coal-powered electricityinto new beer bottles.
That's what I would do for you, Mother Gaia, if I really cared.
Instead I buy my gas and pay gas taxes. I air condition my home and pay utility taxes. Andyes, I must confess itI wipe my butt. With toilet paper. Lots of it.
Would it help if I told you the gas I buy has ethanol in it? Probably not, given the fact that, as Cornell University biologist David Pimentel found, we use more energy making a gallon of ethanol than we get back out of it.
But buying ethanol is something. Sure, it's a useless gesture, a meaningless effort that accomplishes nothing for you, Mother Earth. But it makes me feel better about myself.
If that really any different than Sheryl Crow counting squares of toilet paper in a bathroom stall?
I may be not the environmentalist she is, but at least nobody thinks twice before shaking my hand.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Michael Graham is a talk show host at 96.9 FM TALK in Boston and author of the highly acclaimed "Redneck Nation: How the South Really Won the War." To comment, please click here.
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