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		Jewish World Review October 28, 2003 / 2 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764 SECRET INTERNATIONAL JEWISH CONSPIRACY LLP 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500 (www.sijcllp.com) Memo To: All Members From: Kohein Gadol Date: October 27, 2003 With the holidays of Sukkos and Simchas Torah now over, we can all get back to the ongoing task of controlling the world's economy, media, water and food supply (to name only a few of our key interests). Many of you have spoken to me about being troubled by having our international conspiracy exposed by the recent remarks of the outgoing Prime Minister of Malaysia, Mahathir Mohamad. Let me remind you that it was our brilliant strategy to give him the soapbox (in English, no less) at the Islamic Conference in Kuala Lumpur (which we, of course, also control) so that world democratic leaders under our control would condemn his comments. This would therefore convince people that his statements were false, and deflect attention from Iraq's democratization, so that we could go back to our business of running the world without undue attention. Now, some of you may ask why we would go to the trouble of allowing Mr. Mohamad to "expose" our venture in the first place, and should have just left things alone. That approach, is too simple and not worthy of our International Conspiracy methodology. We're Jews, things have to be complex and convoluted, or they don't work properly (I refer you to The Manual, Chapter One, Prime Directive 12). As an example, let me illustrate this with some other of our ventures. International Media. (Project #1249) - Since we control virtually every major daily newspaper and syndicated news service, including the major US and European television and radio networks, it is only natural that Jews and Israeli get consistently negative coverage and blame for all the ills of the world. Of course, this is the deliberate smokescreen we need - people would only naturally think that these media would support Jews since they are controlled by us. UN General Assembly and Security Council (Project #2564) - Here again, since we fund the majority of the nation members, as well as the bureaucracy (not to mention holding the lease to the Headquarters building in New York and other facilities in Geneva, The Hague, etc), we deliberately allow most Muslim and Third World dictatorship nations to consistent heap abuse on Israel, while ignoring the human rights failings of most member nations. Of course, in order to make it appear not so totally one-sided, we let the US have a veto on the Security Council, and allow Micronesia and a few other countries support Israel against the lopsided Muslim/Third World bloc voting. I am sure you would agree that the strategy is indeed brilliant, since it convincingly hides our efforts. In particularly, giving Syria membership on the Security Council and Libya chairmanship of the Human Rights Commission is a perfect smokescreen for our efforts. The Israeli Economy (Project #4385) - One would logically think that, if Jews are so smart and skilled in business, if you had a whole country full of them, that country would be the Singapore of the Middle East. The fact that the current Israeli Economic Recession (Project #5437) is as profound as it is, (due to the impact of the post-September 11 world recession, high-tech meltdown, and the Palestinian Intifada) is a brilliant mask for its behind-the-scenes success. Much credit should be given to the Histadrut for making the Recession even worse that it is by calling for another General Strike. Both the world and Israelis are now convinced that the country is in its worst recession ever, when in fact, it is showing its best economic year ever. I could go on, but I think I've already said too much Finally, I would like you to pass the message on to the Pope and Queen Elizabeth that their sales quotas from the international illicit drug trade are slightly down. Frankly, we really don't want to hear excuses from them about the impact of the Canadians legalizing marijuana. We fully expect them to meet quota and revenue streams by year-end. Or else. Again, you must delete or shred this document immediately. Do not pass it on to anyone, including non-Jews or other puppets we control. See you at tonight's board meeting at the usual location, and please be on time - we have a lot to cover on the agenda. Don't forget to bring the danishes and those chocolate mini-croissants. You know how Elvis, JFK and those Roswell guys love them. JewishWorldReview.com contributor Jordan Max is a Toronto-based humorist. If you found this funny, please send your comments to him by clicking here. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.