 |
|
Nov. 6, 2009
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How
to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Nov. 5, 2009
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking
Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker
With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater?
With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change
With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Oct. 29, 2009
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our
Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
JWisdom.com Why what we wear
impacts who we are
With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love
With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks
With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness
with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really?
By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A
Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious
By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things
By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices
By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 15, 2009
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Feb. 25, 2008
/ 19 Adar I 5768
Self-Respect or Self Pride
By
Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Q: Our family can't afford bikes for all the kids. A neighbor whose kids are already grown wants to give us theirs, but my dad won't accept them. He says this is self-respect, but I wonder if it is false pride.
A: It is certainly a proper instinct to refrain from accepting gifts. The book of Proverbs (15:27) tells us, "A greedy person corrupts his house, but one who disdains gifts will live". On the basis of this verse, the Shulchan Aruch (authoritative Code of Jewish Law), mentions: It is a mark of piety not to accept gifts, but rather to trust in G-d to provide enough for his needs, as it is written, "One who hates gifts will live". (1)
Likewise, we find the sages of the Talmud using this verse as their basis for declining gifts. Rebbe Elazar in Babylonia refused to accept gifts from the Exilarch (secular authority of Babylonian Jewry), while Rebbe Zeira in Israel refused to accept gifts from the Nasi (Jewish governor). Both cited the above verse, "One who disdains gifts will live." (2)
Yet this is not the whole story. In other places we find that it is proper to accept gifts. We also find the following statement in the Talmud: "All [the promises of] the visions of the prophets refer to one who marries his daughter to a Torah scholar, and who does business with a Torah scholar, and one who gives a Torah scholar to benefit from his possessions." (3) And we find that Rebbe Elazar the son of Rebbe Shimon, one of the greatest sages of the period of the Mishna, who just as his resources were dwindling received a gift from sixty sailors who brought him sixty purses filled with money. (4)
The issue of false pride also arises. Regarding charity, the Shulchan Aruch tells us that normally even a needy person should try to tighten his belt and avoid accepting charity. However, "Anyone who is truly in need and cannot live without aid, such as an old or sick person or one in great suffering, yet affects pride and does not accept, he is guilty of bloodshed and is mortally culpable". (5)
Of course this is an extreme case. But there is also a more relevant example. In a highly instructive story in the Talmud, we find a tense interchange between two of the greatest leaders in Jewish history. One is Rebbe Yehuda the Nasi (governor), who was simultaneously the leading Torah authority in the Jewish world (he was the redactor of the entire Mishna), the leading secular authority (governor), and also one of the wealthiest individuals. The other is Rebbe Pinchas ben Yair, who was famous for his ascetic habits, his burning concern for the welfare of his people, and his zealous personality.
Rebbe Yehuda invited Rebbe Pinchas to dine with him, and the latter refused, causing great consternation to Rebbe Yehuda. Rebbe Pinchas ben Yair saw that Rebbe Yehuda suspected him of declining invitations on principle, and felt obliged to reassure him:
He said to him, do you think I have forsworn benefiting from other Jews? Israel are a holy people! [The problem is that] some people are willing but don't have [means], while others have and don't want [sincerely] to give... You want to and also have [means], however right now I'm in a tremendous rush. (6)
Pinchas ben Yair rushed to deny that he refused to be a guest on principle. The reason he seldom stayed by others was that when poor people invited him he did not want to be an imposition, and when wealthy people invited him he often suspected the invitation was not sincere. However, "Israel are a holy people" and when he was convinced that the invitation came from a sincere person of adequate means he was ready to accept it.
What about the admonition "One who disdains gifts will live"? The leading commentators explain that the "gifts" mentioned in this verse refer to bribes, or gifts that are in the nature of bribes and are meant to affect a person's judgment. In fact, many translations translate the verse "he who hates bribes." Rebbe Elazar and Rebbe Zeira declined to accept gifts from the secular rulers because they were worried that it was meant to compromise their objectivity and align them with the rulers against the people and the scholars. When this concern is missing, as with the great Rabbi Yehuda the Nasi who was renowned for his integrity and scholarship, even Pinchas ben Yair who generally refrained from accepting invitations was fundamentally willing to accept.
The question of how to deal with offers of gifts is a delicate one. There is no question that our first instinct should be to decline -- out of a concern for self-sufficiency, for an unwelcome sense of obligation, or for a gift that may be a financial or social imposition for the giver.
However, as Rebbe Pinchas ben Yair acknowledged, accepting a gift is a way of recognizing the status and beneficence of the giver; refusing one may show that you are unwilling to owe a favor to someone. And of course in many cases the gift itself is welcome and needed. So when you are sure the offer of a gift is sincere, is not a burden to the giver, and is not meant in any way to create an unwelcome obligation, it is not improper to accept a gift.
SOURCES: (1) Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat 249:5 (2) Babylonian Talmud, Megilla 28a (3) Babylonian Talmud, Berachos 34b (4) Babylonian Talmud, Bava Metzia 84b (5) Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 255:2 (6) Babylonian Talmud, Chullin 7b
ARCHIVES
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspiring articles. Sign up for our daily update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir, formerly of the Council of Economic Advisers in the Reagan
administration, is Research Director of the Business Ethics Center of Jerusalem, Jerusalem College of Technology.
To comment or pose a question, please click here.
THE JEWISH ETHICIST, NOW IN BOOK FORM
You've enjoyed his columns on JWR for years. Now the Jewish Ethicist has culled his most intriguing — and controversial — offerings in book form.
HARDCOVER
PAPERBACK
Sales help fund JWR.
|
© 2008, The Jewish Ethicist is produced by the JCT Center for Business Ethics
|
