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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 9, 2011 / 13 Kislev, 5772

Doctor Feelgood and his dancing needles

By Dave Weinbaum



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | At a good friend's suggestion, I went to a doctor who specialized in finding cures through pain reduction. I had suffered an injury to my shoulder that didn't show up in the x-ray taken at the ER. I suspected a torn rotator cuff as I couldn't raise my arm beyond my bellybutton. My arm was in pain and is as useless as Barack Obama without a Teleprompter.

So I packed up my youngest daughter (designated driver) and granddaughter (designated delight) and traveled four hours from home. My first day was spent on a sonogram machine where a fast-talking doctor showed me pics inside my shoulder that he seemed to expect me to understand. I didn't know what Feelgood was talking about. The only other things I've seen on a sonogram were conceived grandchildren in their mother's uterus. Thank goodness there was no such sighting in or around my rotator cuff. Doc proceeded to dotting up my shoulder for next day's assault.

Golf: It's the hole thing

It's been said that golf is the last vestige of the senior competitor. That's my story, anyway. Mediocre golf has been my passion for a lot of years. One of the more important aspects of a golf swing is two working rotator cuffs—thus the urgency in my cure quest.

The next day was upon us. As we settled into the stabbing room, nurse and doctor asked me my religion. A little confused, I said, "Jewish." Doc asked if I would like to pray with them. Declining, I said I wouldn't mind if they wished to, but inside I felt some discomfort at a public display of prayer. Each gave a 30 second plea and ended with, "…in the name of our savior, Jesus Christ."

Immediately, Feelgood started jamming little needles full of sugar water into my shoulder. Then he pushed his finger to see if the little pricks assuaged the pain. They did! When he asked me to raise my arm, the miracle that was supposed to take place fell flat. Improvement, yes, but cure? NO CIGAR. It still hurt like hell and I couldn't raise it much. Then, a second and more frenzied shooting up began. As he pressed and shot, the doc seemed to grow agitated and worn a tad thin. I think he nailed me with about 120 injections, my upper arm swelling with the sugar water as I was sure I was going into a diabetic coma.

Finally, after still feeling major pain at his touch, Feelgood announced, "I'm going deep into your shoulder—right to the rotator cuff itself." I asked if it was going to hurt and he responded, "Maybe a little more than the little shots, but not much." "Okay," I said bravely, "have at it!"

Wasting no time, he came at me with the long needle, jabbing my shoulder as I lay on my stomach, pushing it deeper and deeper. The more he sank the needle, the more profound the pain. Then he started moving the needle side to side. Protesting in pain, I asked what he was doing. Feelgood said he was maneuvering between bones to get to my rotator cuff. I didn't get the feeling that he ever actually located my torn tendons when he unleashed the Hounds of Hell inside my shoulder.

Uncontrollably, I shouted out a blasphemy heard by anyone within three blocks of the doc's office, ironic for a man who was known for easing pain for 30 years.

Undaunted, Feelgood kept going in, unloading his dancing needle, peaking my pain in such brutality that I screamed in agony, tears coming down my cheeks as I tore away at the pillow beneath. Then, I did something that the toughest amongst us wouldn't do. I confessed to:

1) My presence on the grassy knoll during the Kennedy assassination.

2) Knowing the details of the next terrorist attack on NYC.

3) Worst of all—voting for Jimmy Carter when he ran against Gerald Ford.

Clearly shaken, both Doctor and Nurse withdrew my torture.

Since water boarding has become illegal in the Obama administration, I can, in good faith, recommend the above method.

As I was leaving the shaken ones, my parting question was, "If I come back, would you do me one favor?" Eagar for any scrap of positive, Doc said, "Anything!" I asked, "When you pray next time, would you mind giving a shout-out to Moses?" Falling right in, Feelgood exclaimed, "Of course! And I could talk about Abraham, too!" I said, "Yeah, all the old Jews, if you don't mind."

You can't be a brain surgeon without an open mind

This week I went to an orthopedic surgeon's office and convinced his staff that I had an emergency. They gave me an appointment, squeezing me in a few days from now. At least with him, I'll be expecting the pain! Oh and the emergency? I have to be cured by golf season!

I know my priorities.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum hosts DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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