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Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2010 / 22 Kislev, 5771 TSA, TSA, TSAlltheway! By Dave Weinbaum http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Is it me or is it coincidence? Seems the Obama Administration is punishing us. Have our "…chickens come home to roost?" And the reason we are being punished, besides the fact that Obama hates most Americans; feeling the need to go around the world apologizing for us? We just aren't "listening" to Dear Leader close enough. If we could only have a smidgeon of his intellect we'd know that: The trillion-dollar-plus in stimulus bill(s) worked even though I thought I heard the unemployment rate wouldn't rise above 8% and has lingered now between 9.6 and 10%. Guess I wasn't listening when Nancy Pelosi told us Obamacare is SURE to be well-liked once we read it. I can't understand why insurance rates are skyrocketing and the Obama Administration has issued 111 waivers to big business and unions. I know I just love the 159 new government agencies including two new militias in the bill, funded by taxpayers and run by Dear Leader. I feel so warm and fuzzy — don't you? Our borders, especially states attached to Mexico seem to be moving north as our own justice department sues Arizona . Mexico is listening. They are suing Arizona , too. Imagine the audacity of Governor Brewer expecting the Obama Administration to enforce our borders and stop the Mexican drug cartels from murdering Arizonians. Wow, now that's a policy rich in culture — the Mexican drug/murder culture that is. Don't forget the brilliance of Dear Leader in stopping our offshore drilling after the BP leak while lending the Brazilians $2 billion to drill twice as deep as our Gulf spewer. Now there's some oil-slick thinking. And think of those 20,000 Gulf folk on their way to food stamps and welfare! I'm impressed, aren't you? Hey, and who would be for keeping the Bush tax cuts if you can't punish the rich? So what if the poor have no jobs? All the more people to be dependent on welfare. The pure genius of the Obama Administration is only evident to those who understand it! Yep, we're all gonna suffer thanks to Dear Leader. Repeat after me: "Thank you President Obama, may we have another?" Can't see London can't see France until we grope your underpants Americans, failure to listen is no excuse! If we had, we certainly wouldn't have given Obama and the Dems a "shellacking" four weeks ago. Now listen up you Fox-filled pea-brains! Dear Leader has blessed us with yet another amazing policy. Potential flyers are SUPER-XRAYED or have the choice of a TSA shakedown (sorry, I was thinking of Al Sharpton)-I meant pat down. What brilliance! Now we can show the whole world how stupid - I mean how just we are. Instead of copying those clueless, hateful Israelis who have a 40-year record of safety on El Al Airlines, we molest one and all! How dare those Israelis target suspicious people, most of whom are Muslim males between the ages of 17 and 40? And besides, that pesky Fourth Amendment can't be that important. TSA confiscated my Ben Gay. They accused me of packing heat. Our government will touch everyone who refuses to be radiated, from grannies to babies, nuns to grandpas, blacks, whites and Hispanics. And just so you think our government can't be reasonable, Dear Leader is considering a waiver of women dressed in traditional Muslim garb. Of course, then everyone would copy--from Christian women to short Jewish men — like me. Rumor has it that to soften the groping and patting, TSA will be forced to buy you dinner — candlelight and wine dependent on the amount and deepness of body cavity probes. New advertising campaigns are popping up with memorable slogans, like, We'll never rub you the wrong way, or We put the" pat" in "Patriot." With the new concern over deficits TSA is seeking sponsors. Match.com for those TSAers with compatible passenger gropes and Oil of Olay for a smoother gentler probe. Go ahead check it out on their new website, www.tsawephelia.com Oh well, it is the holidays and some of us must fly. Let's get back in the mood with a little holiday cheer! To the tune of Jingle Bells A day or two ago I thought I'd take a flight To visit some dumb schmo Who isn't even bright I tried to meet with calls Then I tried to text TSA'D my balls I said "Oy Vey!" What's next? Oh TSA, TSA, TSALLTHEWAY Oh what dread it is to ride On planes near holiday HEY! TSA, TSA, TSALLTHEWAY Oh what dread it is to ride On planes near holiday Dashing through delay Wishing I could stay Dead against x-ray On to TSA! Gloves on hands they snap About to lose all hope Reaching in your pants With a needy grope Oh TSA, TSA, TSALLTHEWAY Oh what dread to be a hunk They took away my junk! TSA, TSA, TSALLTHEWAY Oh what dread it is ride On planes near holiday HEY Happy Holiday traveling! I'll be in the car. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum hosts DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here. Archives © 2009, Dave Weinbaum

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