In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2010 / 22 Kislev, 5771

TSA, TSA, TSAlltheway!

By Dave Weinbaum

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Is it me or is it coincidence? Seems the Obama Administration is punishing us. Have our "…chickens come home to roost?"

And the reason we are being punished, besides the fact that Obama hates most Americans; feeling the need to go around the world apologizing for us?

We just aren't "listening" to Dear Leader close enough. If we could only have a smidgeon of his intellect we'd know that:

  • The trillion-dollar-plus in stimulus bill(s) worked even though I thought I heard the unemployment rate wouldn't rise above 8% and has lingered now between 9.6 and 10%.

  • Guess I wasn't listening when Nancy Pelosi told us Obamacare is SURE to be well-liked once we read it. I can't understand why insurance rates are skyrocketing and the Obama Administration has issued 111 waivers to big business and unions. I know I just love the 159 new government agencies including two new militias in the bill, funded by taxpayers and run by Dear Leader. I feel so warm and fuzzy — don't you?

  • Our borders, especially states attached to Mexico seem to be moving north as our own justice department sues Arizona . Mexico is listening. They are suing Arizona , too. Imagine the audacity of Governor Brewer expecting the Obama Administration to enforce our borders and stop the Mexican drug cartels from murdering Arizonians. Wow, now that's a policy rich in culture — the Mexican drug/murder culture that is.

  • Don't forget the brilliance of Dear Leader in stopping our offshore drilling after the BP leak while lending the Brazilians $2 billion to drill twice as deep as our Gulf spewer. Now there's some oil-slick thinking. And think of those 20,000 Gulf folk on their way to food stamps and welfare! I'm impressed, aren't you?

  • Hey, and who would be for keeping the Bush tax cuts if you can't punish the rich? So what if the poor have no jobs? All the more people to be dependent on welfare.

The pure genius of the Obama Administration is only evident to those who understand it!

Yep, we're all gonna suffer thanks to Dear Leader. Repeat after me: "Thank you President Obama, may we have another?"

Can't see London can't see France until we grope your underpants

Americans, failure to listen is no excuse! If we had, we certainly wouldn't have given Obama and the Dems a "shellacking" four weeks ago.

Now listen up you Fox-filled pea-brains! Dear Leader has blessed us with yet another amazing policy. Potential flyers are SUPER-XRAYED or have the choice of a TSA shakedown (sorry, I was thinking of Al Sharpton)-I meant pat down.

What brilliance! Now we can show the whole world how stupid - I mean how just we are. Instead of copying those clueless, hateful Israelis who have a 40-year record of safety on El Al Airlines, we molest one and all! How dare those Israelis target suspicious people, most of whom are Muslim males between the ages of 17 and 40? And besides, that pesky Fourth Amendment can't be that important.

TSA confiscated my Ben Gay.
They accused me of packing heat.

Our government will touch everyone who refuses to be radiated, from grannies to babies, nuns to grandpas, blacks, whites and Hispanics. And just so you think our government can't be reasonable, Dear Leader is considering a waiver of women dressed in traditional Muslim garb. Of course, then everyone would copy--from Christian women to short Jewish men — like me.

Rumor has it that to soften the groping and patting, TSA will be forced to buy you dinner — candlelight and wine dependent on the amount and deepness of body cavity probes.

New advertising campaigns are popping up with memorable slogans, like, We'll never rub you the wrong way, or We put the" pat" in "Patriot."

With the new concern over deficits TSA is seeking sponsors. Match.com for those TSAers with compatible passenger gropes and Oil of Olay for a smoother gentler probe.

Go ahead check it out on their new website, www.tsawephelia.com

Oh well, it is the holidays and some of us must fly. Let's get back in the mood with a little holiday cheer!

To the tune of Jingle Bells

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a flight
To visit some dumb schmo
Who isn't even bright
I tried to meet with calls
Then I tried to text
TSA'D my balls
I said "Oy Vey!" What's next?

Oh what dread it is to ride
On planes near holiday HEY!
Oh what dread it is to ride
On planes near holiday

Dashing through delay
Wishing I could stay
Dead against x-ray
On to TSA!
Gloves on hands they snap
About to lose all hope
Reaching in your pants
With a needy grope

Oh what dread to be a hunk
They took away my junk!
Oh what dread it is ride
On planes near holiday HEY

Happy Holiday traveling! I'll be in the car.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum hosts DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.


© 2009, Dave Weinbaum