 |
|
December 2, 2014
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology
John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain
The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious
April 14, 2014
Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time
Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic
Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships
Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin
Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate
Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure
April 11, 2014
Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden
Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does
Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer
Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You
April 9, 2014
Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?
Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau
Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau
Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease
April 8, 2014
Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease
Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear
April 4, 2014
Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children
John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet
John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds
Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves
April 2, 2014
Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?
Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities
Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Nov. 29, 2010
/ 22 Kislev, 5771
TSA, TSA, TSAlltheway!
By
Dave Weinbaum
| 
|
|
|
| |
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Is it me or is it coincidence? Seems the Obama Administration is punishing us.
Have our "…chickens come home to roost?"
And the reason we are being punished, besides the fact that Obama hates most
Americans; feeling the need to go around the world apologizing for us?
We just aren't "listening" to Dear Leader close enough. If we could only have a
smidgeon of his intellect we'd know that:
-
The trillion-dollar-plus in stimulus bill(s) worked even though I thought I heard the
unemployment rate wouldn't rise above 8% and has lingered now between 9.6 and
10%.
-
Guess I wasn't listening when Nancy Pelosi told us Obamacare is SURE to be
well-liked once we read it. I can't understand why insurance rates are skyrocketing
and the Obama Administration has issued 111 waivers to big business and unions. I
know I just love the 159 new government agencies including two new militias in the
bill, funded by taxpayers and run by Dear Leader. I feel so warm and fuzzy —
don't you?
-
Our borders, especially states attached to Mexico seem to be moving north as our
own justice department sues Arizona . Mexico is listening. They are suing Arizona ,
too. Imagine the audacity of Governor Brewer expecting the Obama Administration
to enforce our borders and stop the Mexican drug cartels from murdering Arizonians.
Wow, now that's a policy rich in culture — the Mexican drug/murder culture that is.
-
Don't forget the brilliance of Dear Leader in stopping our offshore drilling after the
BP leak while lending the Brazilians $2 billion to drill twice as deep as our Gulf
spewer. Now there's some oil-slick thinking. And think of those 20,000 Gulf folk
on their way to food stamps and welfare! I'm impressed, aren't you?
-
Hey, and who would be for keeping the Bush tax cuts if you can't punish the rich?
So what if the poor have no jobs? All the more people to be dependent on welfare.
The pure genius of the Obama Administration is only evident to those who
understand it!
Yep, we're all gonna suffer thanks to Dear Leader. Repeat after me: "Thank you
President Obama, may we have another?"
Can't see London can't see France until we grope your underpants
Americans, failure to listen is no excuse! If we had, we certainly wouldn't have
given Obama and the Dems a "shellacking" four weeks ago.
Now listen up you Fox-filled pea-brains! Dear Leader has blessed us with yet
another amazing policy. Potential flyers are SUPER-XRAYED or have the choice
of a TSA shakedown (sorry, I was thinking of Al Sharpton)-I meant pat down.
What brilliance! Now we can show the whole world how stupid - I mean how
just we are. Instead of copying those clueless, hateful Israelis who have a 40-year
record of safety on El Al Airlines, we molest one and all! How dare those Israelis
target suspicious people, most of whom are Muslim males between the ages of 17
and 40? And besides, that pesky Fourth Amendment can't be that important.
TSA confiscated my Ben Gay.
They accused me of packing heat.
Our government will touch everyone who refuses to be radiated, from grannies to
babies, nuns to grandpas, blacks, whites and Hispanics. And just so you think our
government can't be reasonable, Dear Leader is considering a waiver of women
dressed in traditional Muslim garb. Of course, then everyone would copy--from
Christian women to short Jewish men — like me.
Rumor has it that to soften the groping and patting, TSA will be forced to buy you
dinner — candlelight and wine dependent on the amount and deepness of body
cavity probes.
New advertising campaigns are popping up with memorable slogans, like, We'll
never rub you the wrong way, or We put the" pat" in "Patriot."
With the new concern over deficits TSA is seeking sponsors. Match.com for those
TSAers with compatible passenger gropes and Oil of Olay for a smoother gentler
probe.
Go ahead check it out on their new website, www.tsawephelia.com
Oh well, it is the holidays and some of us must fly. Let's get back in the mood
with a little holiday cheer!
To the tune of Jingle Bells
A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a flight
To visit some dumb schmo
Who isn't even bright
I tried to meet with calls
Then I tried to text
TSA'D my balls
I said "Oy Vey!" What's next?
Oh TSA, TSA,
TSALLTHEWAY
Oh what dread it is to ride
On planes near holiday HEY!
TSA, TSA,
TSALLTHEWAY
Oh what dread it is to ride
On planes near holiday
Dashing through delay
Wishing I could stay
Dead against x-ray
On to TSA!
Gloves on hands they snap
About to lose all hope
Reaching in your pants
With a needy grope
Oh TSA, TSA,
TSALLTHEWAY
Oh what dread to be a hunk
They took away my junk!
TSA, TSA,
TSALLTHEWAY
Oh what dread it is ride
On planes near holiday HEY
Happy Holiday traveling! I'll be in the car.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum hosts DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.
Archives
© 2009, Dave Weinbaum
|
|
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles
|
