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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 7, 2005 / 5 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766

The new hippy dippy FBI

By Dave Weinbaum


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Due to a shortage of applicants, the FBI, that paramount of law enforcement, white collared, suited and tied, black spit-shined Windsors, straight laced; no nonsense organization, is seriously considering hiring former (?) potheads as agents.

One couldn't find a better comedic bit since Clinton earned his legacy by getting a Jewish girl to eat pork.

I can see a couple of (ex) pothead FBI agents sent to interview Rummy at the Pentagon. Reporting back to their superior, agent Anita Munchie; "Like WOW!!! We went around and around and around that building! Never could find Rummies office, but MAN WHAT A TRIP!!! We were hyperventilating at the pictures and the psychedelic lights. It was like all connecting to the universe!" "Yeah man, and the situation rooms and all the peeps in uniform! It was like so military and all." This from agent Stony Hitt.

Instead of head of investigations, the most coveted position in the Bureau will now be chief of evidence storage. Taking a further step, the Bureau is planning to move its evidence storage facility to Denver. Agents can legally resell the contraband back to the public, bolstering its agent's pension plan. Denver is not only the mile high city, but now with legalized pot it's become the millions high municipality.

But hey, why stop there? As a patriotic American, I feel it's my duty to suggest these people for the NEW FBI.

1. Mike Tyson, convicted rapist and ring connoisseur could take a real bite out of crime.

2. Joan Rivers, not only knows what they're wearing but what's underneath. She's also an expert on disguise and "altered" appearances.

3. Al Franken—Let the "liar" indictments fly!

4. Bill Clinton—Head of sexual harassment investigations for the Federal Government, specializing in female interns. Talk about turning over a new page!

5. Hillary—Inspector over all right wing conspiracies and overseeing Bill. Somehow the two jobs seem connected.

6. ALGORE—Lockbox security, internet consultant.

7. Valerie Plame—She can go BACK undercover now. Nobody will expect lightening or her idiot husband to strike twice.

8. Louie Farrakhan— Chief levee investigative officer. He'll specialize in personally guarding flood walls in scuba gear during hurricanes.

9. Marc Rich—International pardon monitor. He'll keep track of potential and current overseas pardoned felons and arrange their kickbacks to the Bureau. I mean, why should the Clintons get it all?

10. Jose Canseco—Already proved effective in narking fellow steroid users in baseball. Hey, think of the contraband HE could get!

11. Dick Cheney—Plumber.

12. Harriet Miers—Supreme Court nominee qualifier.

13. Chuckie Schumer—Political investigations into the credit of black conservative candidates.

14. Howard Dean—Insanity pleadings.

15. Elvis—Headquarters security. The King will monitor who has left the building!

16. John Kerry—You can always count on him to "report for duty", even if he is unfit for command.

17. David Duke—Klan double agent. First investigation will be brother (ex?) Klan leader Senator Robert Byrd.

18. George Carlin—Head of Advertising and PR. Who better to represent the NEW Hippy Dippy FBI?

J. Edgar is turning over in his tutu.

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JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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