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Jewish World Review Oct. 31, 2005 / 28 Tishrei, 5766 What's in your closet? By Dave Weinbaum
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
AP writer, Darlene Superville, headlined a story that'll enhance the lives of every American.
Did she reveal whether yellow cake plutonium was offered to Saddam by Niger?
Did she out the source for Sandy Berger's voluminous drawers?
Did she explain the contents of Osama's Fatwah of '98 where he orders all Muslims to murder every American, every US ally, and every Jew he comes across, man, woman or child?
Nothing as mundane as the above! Superville, a busy important writer, used a photo op provided by Darby Rove when she opened her and Karl's garage door. She revealed the nefarious contents of her and Karl's bizarre possessions to the world media, special prosecutors, grand jurors, neighbors, peeping Toms, and worst of all, scandal hungry Liberals.
The contents divulged much more than Al Capone's safe. Actually, a black hole was more interesting than watching the result of Rivera's tease. Geraldo became the hero to every mob family in the USA.
Ladders, paint cans, cardboard boxes, for G-d's sakes! Hold the presses! Call out Homeland Security! Reconvene the Grand Jury! Make Timmy Russert rake Karl over the coals to explain every item and just how they got into that particular incoherent, seemingly random order.
Well if THIS is considered news, don't fight the wave, ride it. Here's my attempt as a good American at balanced "news". I have it on good source that this is what's in THEIR closet:
1. John Kerry — An up to date encyclopedia of "The Richest Women in the World", 1 nuclear, powder blue, bunny suit, 80,000 cases of "Unfit for Command". A faded 1968 Christmas in Cambodia Poster, fake goose carcass for "hunting" photo ops. 100 cases of Heinz Catsup, per his pre-nup. A set of Bush stamps (the ONLY way he'll ever lick Dubya.)
2. Howie "SCREAM" Dean — One case of eye bulge reducer. Two sets of blinders. Box of love letters from "Babs." Ten cases of throat lozenges.
3. Hillary — Rose Law Firm Billings, copies of "How You can use Your Political Connections to Make Millions in Cattle Futures" and, "How to Marry Your Way Into Leadership, Regardless that Your Husband is a Cheatin' Lyin' Tramp." Tammy Wynette's chocolate chip cookie recipe. A box of Cubans…just in case Bill gets "interested".
4. Bill — One stained blue dress, 25 cases of Viagra, (donations from female contributors) boiler room copies of terrorist indictments, all the facts that were kept out of his presidential library. As hard as we looked, no one could find a moral compass.
5. Teddy Kennedy — 100 cases of Grey Goose vodka, 100 cases of scotch, 100 cases of bourbon. (One month's supply.) Complete set of water wings…for one. One pair of oversized, salt water stained 1969 keds. One set of yellow rubber duckies.
6. ALGORE — 8 personalities, brains not included. Tobacco farmer of the decade award, put away before his heart wrenching diatribe against evil tobacco and its murder of his sister. A copy of "Man on Emission," Tammy Faye's complete make-up kit. All of this was contained in one gigantic lockbox.
7. Cindy Sheehan — A stack of letters from her family begging her to stop sacrificing Casey's voluntary patriotic sacrifice. Ropes to tie her to the White House fence. Velcro to help attach herself to anyone of importance in the Democratic Party. Martha Stewarts book, "How to Support yourself in Prison by Cooking and Crocheting and Not Putting Out."
8. Jesse Jackson — All the Al Sharpton for President Posters he and his sons could tear down. A black book containing all Rainbow and Push "secretaries" phone #s and addresses, as well as a record of payouts and children to be supported. The book, "The art of big time Shakedowns." One big-a— "I AM SOMEBODY" sign.
9. Chuckie Schumer — One Black conservative destruction kit. His own portable news conference karaoke machine. A pin the tail on the Hillary coattail party game.
10. Jimmy Carter — Hard hats for numb skull ex presidents. A book entitled, "How to deflect your own miserable presidency by undermining the current elected chief executive in time of war without getting hung for treason."
11. Koffi Annan — $8 million in unpaid Manhattan parking tickets. Pinups of young girls sent from the Congo UN staff posted there. 6 cases of UN Resolutions condemning Israel already filled out, a list of UN connected jobs for his son after the oil for food money he received dried up.
12. Yassar — $3 billion in cash, much of it US taxpayer $, supposed to be spent on PAL children. The keys to his wife's Paris apartment. A copy of Mien Kampf. A box of love letters from Osama.
13. Chirac — 1,000,000 cases of the best French wine, remaining unsold to America, because of the boycott, $ 1 billion in oil for food bribes from Saddam, and an amnesia inducer that has made him forget America saved France's sorry arse TWICE in the last 80 years.
14. Louie Farrakhan — Shockingly was found to be SHARING a closet with Senator KKK Byrd.
My closet shall remain closed to the press, pundits and general public. While I have nothing to hide, why push it? After all, those of you with skeletons in your closets are irritating to those of us that have none.
What's in YOUR closet?
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© 2005, Dave Weinbaum |
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