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Jewish World Review May 11, 2005 / 2 Iyar, 5765 The First Annual Weinie Awards By Dave Weinbaum
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Every once in awhile we should take pause from our lives and contemplate the people that make a difference. We need appreciate those of us that make the world interesting and special. We need recognize their contributions to the human condition, both negative and positive. We need to tease those of whom we're admiring, jealous of, or are amused by. And yes, the more important should be brought down to earth…even mocked, if only just to make ourselves feel better in our own mundane little world.
So here goes; the first annual Weinie Awards (pronounced whiney, NOT weenee!)
1. Most accomplished cheerleader…George W. Bush.
2. Most nimble college speaker and pie dodger…Ann Coulter.
3. Best effort in ruination of their own political party…Senators Kennedy, Kerry, Daschle, Michael Moore, George Soros, Harry Reid, Terry McAuliffe, Dr. Howie "The Scream" Dean. (Name your own Southpaw…there are sooo many!)
4. World's shortest column…Pat Buchanan's kind words for Israeli USA relations.
5. Largest contrast in living conditions…Saddam Hussein.
6. Weinie whiney award…John Kerry, Al Gore (Name your favorite Lib)
7. Lamest excuse for Congressional Testimony…Mark McGwire.
8. Worst mustache award…John Bolton.
9. Best imitation of broadcasting while dead…Don Imus.
10. Best press relations…Barry Bonds.
11. Media's toughest news manager…Brit Hume.
12. World's nerdiest hard-hitting commentator…Bill Kristol.
13. Man in the wrong party award…Joe Lieberman, John McCain.
14. Fastest talker on TV…Chris Matthews.
15. Funniest person in Washington…Laura Bush.
16. Best political architect…Karl Rove.
17. Most arrogant judge award…George W. Greer
18. Crookedest Ally…Jacque Chirac.
19. Wackiest Enemy…Kim Jong-il
20. Most self-absorbed life…Jane Fonda
21. Conservative pioneer…William F. Buckley, Rush Limbaugh.
22. Liberal Pioneer…Karl Marx
23. Frozen feet award…Jennifer Wilbanks
24. Die with your boots on award…The Pope.
25. Employee relations award…al Zarqawi,
26. Most elusive…Osama bin Ladin, Intelligent Liberal Argument.
27. The MIA Award…Liberal Talk Radio Ratings.
28. Busiest Judge…Paula Abdul.
29. Best Opinion Web Site…www.jewishworldreview.com
30. A-- Kissing Award…Dave Weinbaum.
Like it or not, here's my list for the first annual Weinies. Pick your own and let me know! Have fun! Any suggestions on what the award should look like?
Now I must find a Network smart enough to put it on air. Hey Dan Rather's not doing much these days. Maybe he'll MC!
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© 2005, Dave Weinbaum |
Mitch Albom | |||||||||||
