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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 15, 2011 / 11 Adar I, 5771

In a more perfect world

By Dave Weinbaum



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As I attended CPAC last weekend and then fulfilled my wife's Valentine wishes, upon return from DC, I pondered what would make life more perfect. For one thing, my computer wouldn't have coughed up the dreaded blue page purge, diagnosed as an easy--yet two-day fix.

Here are some other things that I wish for, so that someday I may reach nirvana :

1. Jews would stop apologizing for their existence and start fighting back against their enemies.

2. Congressmen would have to pass a test on the issues of a bill before being allowed to vote on it. This would put the onus on American voters to elect people that have the literacy of a third-grader.

3. All bills would be limited to 20 pages, unless a tax-refund is involved.

4. Reid, Pelosi and Obama would open a falafel franchise after the next election and declare bankruptcy when President Palin refuses to bail them out.

5. ALGORE would be attacked by polar bears on his new estate in Southern California. Al can't escape because he forgot to charge his electric GM snowmobile.

6. Arab/Muslim countries would look to Israel and the USA to help them achieve working democracies, after reinterpreting the Koran to make peace with Christianity and Judaism. They would combine dietary laws and become the best customers of Jewish delis throughout the world. Jews would still remain the best customers of Chinese food.

7. Beautiful women would stop hitting on me. I am married. Where the hell were you when I was single, anyway?

8. All cultures would value life above death, except for Nazi cannibals.

9. Libs would stop their attack on the First Amendment by stopping their quest to kill conservative radio. They would continue to listen only to each other, thus creating an incurable form of dementia, called Libiotus.

10. Drill Baby Drill would become the mantra of President Palin. By the end of her second term, we would be a net exporter of fuel and our deficit would disappear. (I mean DBD or WTF? Gimme a break)!

11. Permits to mine clean coal would become less difficult to come by than Joe Biden's logic.

12. All pundits from the left coast would be required to attend a tea party to the west of the original colonies and to the east of California. They would be required to open their eyes and ears, thus proving they can multitask.

13. Women would stop aborting babies for reasons of convenience, or would be reverted back to when their mothers had the same decision.

14. All Congressmen would spend a week camping on the US side of the Mexican border. They can put that in their enchiladas and smoke it.

15. We wouldn't get western democracies mixed up with Islamic Socialism, unless we were willing to live by Sharia Law.

16. Sam Bradford would lead the 2014 Rams to the Superbowl Championship after losing a heart-breaker to the Chicago Bears coached by Lovie Smith in the 2013 top game.

17. We'd take Obmacare and shovel-ready jobs and lock them in a room.

18. We'd stop trying to make men equal by taking away their freedom.

19. We'd learn Chinese as an option, not a requirement.

20. Professors would be fired immediately upon proof they flunked conservative students because they went to a conservative meeting.

21. We'd see America as exceptional, and not just for our tolerance of progressives.

22. I would become a scratch golfer and not because I lost my ball in the poison ivy—again.

23. We'd take those who have declared war upon us seriously, until they were killed or they surrendered.

24. The Boston Celtics led by a rejuvenated Shaq O'Neal, Rondo, Pierce, Grant and Allen would beat the Lakers in seven, forcing the retirement of Jack Nicholson's front-side seat and leer.

25. Albert Pujols would finish his 25-year career with the Cards winning six more World Championships. After he is done, the Cubs would still be working on their millennium of championship-less seasons. (Sorry Cub fans. Let me know when you put together a major league team — then we can talk).

26. America's government would revert back to of the people, by the people and for the people.


Hey, if you can't express what you desire, then what are you fighting for? These are some of the things that would make life a whole lot better — for everyone.

I implore you to put your ideas for a more perfect world in writing. I bet there would be more commonality than most of us thought.

As Steven Wright said, "It's small world — but I'd hate to have to paint it! "

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum hosts DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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