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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
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Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
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Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
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Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
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John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
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January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
May 14, 2007
/ 26 Iyar, 5767
Stickup in aisle 3
By
Dave Barry
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Sometimes I'm so darned proud to be an American that I have to lean over and hold my stomach.
This is such a time. I have just read an amazing story about a group of Americans regular people, just like you and me, except they live in Wisconsin who found themselves staring straight into the eyeballs of Danger. I am proud to say that, when the chips were down, these Americans did not turn tail and knuckle under. Instead, when the fat was in the fire, they stepped up to the plate and cut the mustard.
Why do I say this? For one thing, I've been mixing my medications. But also I am deeply moved by the heroic actions of the citizens of a Wisconsin town called Rib Mountain, as reported in the Wausau (Wis.) Daily Herald, which bills itself as "A Gannett Newspaper Serving North Central Wisconsin." According to two detailed front-page Daily Herald stories, written by Peter J. Wasson and sent in by alert reader Kay Meyer, here is what happened (I am not making any of this up):
It was an ordinary evening at the Aldi grocery store on Rib Mountain Drive. People were shopping for groceries, probably not expecting a man to come bursting in wearing a hood and brandishing a samurai sword.
But that is exactly what happened. In the vivid words of shopper Coreen Poeske: "He came right through the Keebler chocolate chip cookies display, just plowed through, and there were Keebler cookies spread all over."
"Give me your money!" the hooded man shouted at the cashier. He banged his sword on the checkout counter, causing the tip to bend.
All of us, at one time or another, have tried to imagine how we would react to this type of situation, although we may not have specifically imagined the part about the cookies. I just hope that I have the courage to react the way shopper Paul Josiger did.
"I just said to myself, 'What can I do to help?'" said Josiger. "So I threatened him with fruit cocktail."
Yes. Without regard to his own safety, Josiger described by the Daily Herald as "a former pitcher on his company softball team at Kolbe and Kolbe Millwork Co." picked up a can of fruit cocktail (the brand is not specified in the Daily Herald story) and, in his own words, "yelled at him to put the knife down and get the hell out of the store or I would throw the can at him. Well, then he got the money and ran, so I threw that can of fruit cocktail at him but missed."
Here Coreen Poeske picks up the story: "As soon as he was gone, one woman said, 'Don't anybody touch anything, because he didn't have gloves on and there will be fingerprints all over the place.' Another woman told us all to take our shopping lists and write down everything we saw for police. There were a lot of quick thinkers in there."
While the shoppers were collecting clues, the drama shifted outside to the suddenly dangerous streets of Rib Mountain, where Robert "B.J." Coe was leaving his job at Wausau Motorsports.
"He came running toward me with this sword asking for my keys," Coe told the Daily Herald. "It was like one of them three-quarter-length samurai swords, and the odd thing was, the end was bent."
Again, it was a situation that called for quick thinking; again, the citizen made a lightning mental calculation.
"I said to myself, 'It's insured,'" Coe said.
So he dropped his keys, ran inside and called 911. Within minutes, the police apprehended the suspect, identified as Edward Pollard II, age 21. According to the police report: "Pollard said he had watched several movies where armed robberies were committed, looking for techniques on how to do the robbery. Pollard decided to use the scary, threatening approach, but to not use obscenities."
But even this masterful, obscenity-free criminal plan, based on actual movies, was no match for the brave and quick-thinking citizens of the Rib Mountain area. As Marathon County Sheriff Gary Marten told the Daily Herald: "Without all those people helping us, it wouldn't have been so quickly successful."
Speaking of movies: If Hollywood doesn't take this drama and turn it into a major motion picture starring Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts, with Britney Spears as the cashier, then Hollywood is even stupider than I thought. Because this is a story to inspire all of us to make us realize that, when the armed robber of unhappiness knocks over the Keebler cookie display of our complacency, and bangs the samurai sword of negativity on the checkout counter of our dreams, we must not be afraid to hurl the fruit cocktail can of hope. At least that's how I see it. I have GOT to adjust these dosages.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Previously:
Please don't feed the tourists
Land of the Frozen Earwax
The birth of wail
Honk if you're married and can't cope with anger
Rabbit ears get poor reception
Percentage of frogs in food jumps
Night of the living roach
Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality
Mind your P's and Q's and teas
Loose lips sink sequels
NOW WE'RE COOKIN'!
The right to Bear clubs
Science: It's just not fair
Road warrior specials
Where's the beef? (Low fat)
There is nothing like a male (guys)
MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Rooting for the midgets of the Midway
Revolt of the rodents
He can drive any truck named Tonka
All bets are off
How do you spell S-A-T?
Sour grapes and mud
Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom
Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at
Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories
The funny side of Beowulf
HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN!
Abs-olute madness
Beware of brainy bugs
I'm in a sorry state
The frog plague: The inside story
If she had a hammer….
Keeping an eye on crime
Camping and Lewis and Clark
When in Iowa, don't forget to duck
Junior takes the wheel
Growing old with Dave
Sites for sore eyes
Beware of sheep droppings
Ireland, land of bad Elvis
Mr. Peabrain's misadventures
When they're out to get you, keep cool
Mothers of invention
Kill 'em with kindness
© 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.
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