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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 31, 2007 / 19 Mar-Cheshvan 5768

All the News That's Fit to Spoof

By Steve Young


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dateline: The Mall

14 Year Old Girl: Like, I'm sorry my divorced Dad couldn't get away from his new girlfriend and my manic-depressive mom couldn't get out of bed fast enough to be here at the Food Court in time, but like even if I didn't get in their grill early enough, like, they still should have known. Gosh. First question...

"Parent": How hot do you feel hanging out four hours a night in front of Hot Topics? I mean, does it affect your school work and junk? 14YOG: Duh. I'm doing as well as I need to do. I mean, like what do I need math and science for. And I already know enough English to talk good.

"Parent": Kewl.

"Parent II": Wanna hook up?

14YOG: Shu-up. Okay, but only if my mom and dad say it's okay. Mom and Dad...?

"Mom and Dad": That'd be tight.


Dateline: Florida Golf Course

O.J. Simpson: Glad most of you could make it to my release party for "If I Did Threaten The Crap Out of That Sports Merchandiser." I'm sorry to say that the Goldmans and Browns won't be able to get here in time, but I'm expected at the first tee in five minutes, so, tough. Yes, Reporter: Why were you set up in Vegas?

Simpson: Why don't you ask the Vegas Police Department or better yet, the LAPD? Never mind, I'm sure there are some of them right here.

Detective...

Detective Al Cowlings: Is it true that Mark Furhrman planted the guns on your co-defendants who have turned states evidence to get lighter sentences?

Simpson: If I had to make a bet, yes. And I truly believe you'll find the answer lies in the life of Faye Resnick. Right Faye?

"Resnick": Yes. And yes, I did it.

Simpson: Fore!


Dateline: Clinton Press Conference

Hillary: To those of you who were here when we told you we would be holding this press conference at the moment we finished telling you we would be having it, thank you for being prompt. Please feel free to ask any question the media would have asked if we had been here to ask them.

"Media Person": How long has the presidential race, that for all intense and purposes has been over, been over?

Hillary: (Guffaw) Oh, Bill. You are such a kidder...and, might I add, an insightful questioner. We feel that the race has been over the moment I entered the race. James...?

"Reporter": Jim Carville, Daily Kissup. How come y'all not a divider? Hillary (Louder Guffaw): I guess it's because the only people who wouldn't vote for me, wouldn't vote for me anyway. That's not being a divider. That's being the person with so much money I don't have to take a side on any issue, even when I'm on both sides of it.


Dateline: Guiliani Press Conference

Rudy: Last question.

"Reporter": 9-11?

Guiliani: 9-11. And to all of the media. 9-11. Thanks for not needing to be here. 9-11.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Steve Young is an award-winning TV writer and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful". Comment by clicking here.



© 2007, Steve Young

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