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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 9, 2008 / 4 Nissan 5768

Down The Stretch, Here Come The Candidates...And The Commercials

By Steve Young


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Only three weeks to go and it already feels like an eternity. But you ain't seen nutin' yet. We're the last big stop before the Democratic Convention and besides bogus news soundbites you can expect Barack, Hillary and the Networks to pull out all the stops...


Fox News captures Hillary in a George Washington wig throwing a dollar across the Delaware. MSNBC does a feature on Obama wearing a Ben Franklin bifocals and bald cap catching the dollar, and cholera, in Valley Forge.


Jon Stewart interviews a bearded Hillary as she delivers an address at Gettysburg. Saturday Night Live talks the two candidates to duke it out on a nearby Gettysburg battlefield . Oh, the humanity. ...which also means 24/7 candidate pitches on TV, radio and phone interrupting shows, dinner, and anything left of peace of mind. Take One...


Hillary Clinton stands behind a nondescript Philly cheesesteak counter serving up sangwitches.


"Yo, Philly! Dis iz Hil. Not for nuthin', but if youse guyz want someone who wawks da wawk n'knowz dat 'Merca needz a prezident wit 'sperience, like steaks need cheez-wiz 'n dah Iggles needa wide receiver who can break a long one, member t'vote faw me dis April 22. It doehn matta wetter youz speak Inglish at Geno's or 'Talian at Pat's, I know wat ahm doin'. Y'unnerstan? Y'gotta guh hed and pullda lever faw a real Philly goil. (Turns to customer) Ain't that right, Cuz? (He gives thumbs up. Hil holds up cheesesteak). C'mon, I ain't got all day. Wit ot witout?


Take Two...


"Flashdance" blares in a small Pittsburgh steel-mill strip club as the lithe and limber Barack Obama lands in a chair, releasing a shower of water over his five hundred dollar Oxfords, then answers the phone at 2:59AM to find that he has not only won the presidency but the scholarship to the dance academy he had his hopes and dreams on but no one but he and Michele thought he would. He does a spin, a series of flips and finishes in a full split, turning to the camera... "Yes we can. Yes, we can."


Take Three...


Hillary in apron and bonnet, helps her Quaker super delegates in Amish Country raise a barn. She turns to camera. "If the barn wall falls on your family and outens your ability to raise another barn , will you have the health insurance to mind you and your neighbor's barn? I'm Hillary Clinton and as sure as I hate modern technology and approve riding a horse and carriage to work, I approve this message. Gott segen eich."


Take Four...


Barack Obama stands on a Roosevelt Boulevard corner in the Northeast, hawking soft pretzels. A car stops and Barack leans over to driver. "You want mustard wit dat?!"


Turns to camera...


"Or do you want hope?!"


Take Five...


The Rocky theme song, "Gonna Fly Now," plays as Hillary, the 2008 comeback kid, jogs through the Philadelphia Italian market, flies past Pat's and Geno's of South Philly, punches hanging raw meat in a Broad Street meat locker, and breathlessly scales the seventy-two steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum, finally reaching the plateau where victoriously she answers a red phone... at 3AM in the morning.


But the commercials will be nothing compared to the turf street-battles fights Philly street corner: Chubby Checker, Bobby Rydell, Fabian and Frankie Avalon harmonize as Hillary does the Twist in front of them. Catacorner, fainting commences as Teddy Pendergrass serenades the ladies as Will Smith and Patti LaBelle supply backup and Grammy Award winner Barack breaks a move with Oprah, who's not from Pennsylvania, but could buy the state for Obama if she wanted.


It's gonna be a rough three more weeks as the candidates plunder Pennsylvania for all it's worth. I just got one thing to say. Lemme know when they're done. I'll be waitin' in 'Lantic City 'til they are.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Steve Young is an award-winning TV writer and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful". Comment by clicking here.



© 2008, Steve Young

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