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May 25, 2012
Mark Clayton: Is Hillary's State Dept. hacking Al Qaeda? Not quite
Erika Bolstad: Temple cancels Wasserman Schultz speech
The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman: The former president of the International Association of Culinary Professionals, whose members included the likes of Julia Child, is back with contemporary Shavous cuisine: Ruby Fruit Soup, Sweet Noodle Kugel with Cheese, Key Lime Curd, Calsone Casserole Frittata with Wild Mushrooms, Sun-dried tomatoes and Olives, Baked Tilapia with Pepper Cheese Cream and Brown Sugar Shortbread
May 24, 2012
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The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
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Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
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The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
April 19, 2011
/ 15 Nissan, 5771
A Cliche a Second
By
Paul Greenberg
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
It had been some time since I'd stopped by to see the eminent Pierre Cliche, man of a thousand words and phrases, mostly banalities but interspersed with platitudes, shibboleths and bromides for (non)variety's sake.
I understood why I had put off seeing him as soon as he greeted me at the door of his cliche factory.
"Dude!" he cried out, which I take it is no longer a noun of address but the current substitute for Hello. It is not an improvement. I instinctively looked over my shoulder, but apparently M. Cliche was addressing me.
"How's the cliche business?" I inquired at my own risk. "I'm here for your annual report on ever newer and worse cliches."
"Splendid! Capital! Great! Excellent! Magnificent! Tremendous, Stupendous and--stop me if you've heard this one before--"
"Stop! For heaven's sake, stop!"
"Don't get your panties in a wad/knickers in a twist. All I'm sayin' is business has never been better, except maybe during the Roaring Twenties, when everything was copacetic, twenty-three skidoo and all that, whatever. You know, like the cat's pajamas. Would you like to see my PowerPoint presentation? It's just full of hot Performance Numbers for today's thought leaders. Or you might want to sign up for our webinar on new cliches for old. Sure you do. It's a no-brainer."
"We've had a bumper crop of instant platitudes this year," he continued, "thanks to Facebook and Twitter. Just plain cell phones are so yesterday. Cliches are selling like hotcakes, so to speak, with catchphrases right behind them. You don't even have to open your mouth to utter one, just punch it out on your iPhone. I'm telling you straight, though you don't have to take my word for it. You can google it up."
"What are some of your best-sellers? If I'm not asking you to reveal trade secrets."
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"No problem. I'm on it like white on rice. Keepin' a list and checkin' it twice. Whenever a cliche goes viral, we've got it covered. Man, it's an epic job -- huge, iconic -- but we get 'er done. Our staff of thousands -- all computers, not a human being in the bunch -- is tireless, and more to the point, not being human, they're never bored no matter how times they hear the same piece of boilerplate. But I digress...."
"Yes."
"And I've forgotten what you asked. Oh, yes, you wanted to know what was the newest thing in old cliches, the latest in timeworn platitudes, the Nouvelle Vague that's instantaneously old. Well, it's not easy, you know, turning out a new cliche, which is almost a contradiction in terms. But it can be done. Some of our finest products will bore you to tears first time out. Like an instant work of genius -- a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, of course. There's no other kind any more. That's the bottom line in my trade...."
"Aaaaargh!"
"Oh, good. That's the acid test of our kind of shopworm language or any unreasonable facsimile: Whether it will reduce those exposed to a regular diet of it to the screaming meemies, the willies, the heebie-jeebies, and generally give 'em the bots. I can tell we've passed the test in your case. What's more, I can assure you that the line here at the flagship of normalcy in the American language will impact you for the foreseeable future. When we come up with a phrase that makes people grimace, and add it to a whole vocabulary that reduces the recipient to a basket case, we know we're ahead of the game and in a win-win situation. It's all a matter of thinking outside the box, you know, like...."
"Enough. I feel faint."
"Hopefully, you'll get over it. Unless you've got issues with our newest line of cliches. I want to assure you they're the best money can buy. We go around getting input everywhere, and are happy to facilitate your search for the most exasperating. The best of the lot has to have a wow factor, and lead to an ah-ha! moment, you know what I mean? They're all oldies but goodies even when they're brand new. You'll like 'em all."
"I'm sure I would if I could stand any more of them...."
"Don't go away mad. We're always looking for a new paradigm for our cliches, an infrastructure that'll support the most excruciating of them, a situation that'll be creative, even transgressive, or at least transformational, you know, an ambiance that'll produce viable results that can be utilized in this area. If we can put a man on the moon, we can certainly produce a new cliche, wouldn't you say? What we need is a new Marshall Plan for platitudes that'll be environmentally friendly, organic, GREEN! Jargon that'll speed around this flat world in nanoseconds, a space-age version of Y2K, you know what I mean?"
"I'm afraid I do. That's the frightening part. All I want to do just now is leave before this uneasiness in the pit of my stomach gets any worse . . . "
"I understand. A lot of people have that reaction here. The trick is to just incentivize me with a small payment for this consultation, and you'll depart with more cliches, platitudes and banalities than you'll ever want to hear again."
"I don't doubt it."
"It's been a pleasure doing business with you. Perhaps you'd like to check out our latest line of puns before you go. They're guaranteed to make you groan. No? Then go with my blessings, live life to the fullest, toodle-oo, fare thee well...."
Last I saw him, M. Cliche was standing in his doorway looking happily at the wad of bills I'd hurriedly stuck in his hand as I ran off, screaming.
Paul Greenberg Archives
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