Jewish World Review July 24, 2007 / 9 Menachem-Av 5767

The Doldrums — Singular or Plural?

By Greg Crosby

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | We have now officially entered the time of year that many refer to as the "mid-summer doldrums." Sometimes the most interesting and thought provoking things enter my mind during these mid-summer doldrums. Sometimes not. You be the judge. My first thought is, is the word "doldrums" singular or plural? It sounds plural to me. So if it is plural, then is it possible to have a singular "doldrum?" And if not, why not? This is my doldrums dilemma.

And speaking of doldrums, another thing that has occurred to me is that the entire country will be so fed up with politics by the time the next presidential election gets here, it will surprise me if anyone at all besides the actually candidates will be voting. I'm so sick of the "poll numbers" and really, none of it means anything anyway. Polls change almost daily and the answers people give depends greatly on how the questions are phrased. Polls are an unscientific, unreliable indicator at best and a stupid waste of time at worst.

A generation or two ago no one would have believed the extent that tattooing and body piercing would become acceptable fashion statements in American society. I recently read that as much as 50% of the entire American population between the ages of 17 and 30 has at least one tattoo or piercing (in a place other than an earlobe). It is not uncommon to see young girls with multiple tattoos on their arms, necks, legs, and backs. So what's next?

I wonder if young teen girls will ever start growing thick facial hair. It can be done if they begin shaving their peach fuzz on a regular basis. Hey, why shouldn't a woman grow a nice handlebar mustache if she wants to? Or even a full beard. It's about the only thing left for progressive young women to do that has not yet been done — at least not widely. There used to be sideshows in the circuses and carnivals that would feature "a bearded lady," but before you laugh that off, remember — those same sideshows featured "tattooed ladies" and "illustrated men" as freaks too, and now they are more commonplace in our society than men wearing suits and women wearing dresses.

Have you noticed how up-close and personal television commercials have become? The ads for prescription and non-prescription medications seem to be the worst. Personal hygiene products that are hawked as helping with itches, odors, and fungus, as well as drugs to remedy various sorts of digestive maladies and bodily function difficulties are all over the airways at all times of the day and night. What used to be the most private of issues are now screamed across the TV sets of America at full volume.

Using the most descriptive visuals and vulgar language possible to explain their products' function and the physical results one might expect from using their supposed wonder drug, the ads go way beyond the perimeters of decent commercial advertising. These advertisers obviously have no respect for their prospective customers and clearly no conception of propriety as far as what constitutes good taste and good judgment on the public airways. I reach for my remote and switch channels as fast as I can when these classless, repulsive ads come on. And by the way — why would I trust companies with my physical health who happily engage in the continual coarsening of our culture?

I'd gladly share some examples of these ads with you, but they are literally too embarrassing and disgusting to print in this column. Anyone who watches television for any length of time, however, will know exactly what I mean. It's like being spat upon; you can't mistake what it is. How pitiful that we have come to this.

It's the middle of summer now and that means only one thing — the big news, once again, is THE HEAT! Yes, the whole country is experiencing high temperatures, from New York to Oregon. There are no snowstorms in the forecast, no freezing rain, no icy roads. California is hot. Nevada is hot. Georgia is hot. North, south, east, and west — all hot. Can someone tell me why this is NEWS? We go through this warming thing every single summer. Hey! IT'S SUMMERTIME! IT'S GONNA BE HOT!! GET OVER IT!! Summer is usually hot, winter is usually cold, nighttime is usually dark, and daytime is usually light. Until these things change drastically, I really don't see a need for panic, okay?

Have a great week and stay cool.