All I want for Christmas is for Christians to listen to what Mike Huckabee says,
rather than what the media say about him. The mainstream media keep flogging
Huckabee for being a Christian, apparently unaware that this "G-d" fellow is
testing through the roof in focus groups.
Huckabee is a "compassionate conservative" only in the sense that calling him a
conservative is being compassionate.
He responded to my column last week pointing out that he is on record supporting
the Supreme Court's sodomy-is-a-constitutional-right decision by saying that he
was relying on the word of a caller to his radio show and didn't know the details
of the case. Ironically, that's how most people feel about sodomy: They support it
until they hear the details.
First, I'd pay a lot of money to hear how a court opinion finding that sodomy is a
constitutional right could be made to sound reasonable. But the caller had the
right response when Huckabee asked him, "What's your favorite radio station?" So he
seemed like a reliable source.
Second, Huckabee's statement that he agreed with the court's sodomy ruling was made
one week after the decision. According to Nexis, in that one week, the sodomy
decision had been the cover story on every newspaper in the country, including The
New York Times. It was the talk of all the Sunday news programs. It had been
denounced by every conservative and Christian group in America as well as other
random groups of sane individuals having no conservative inclinations whatsoever.
The highest court in the land had found sodomy was a constitutional right! That
sort of thing tends to make news. (I was going to say the sodomy ruling got
publicity up the wazoo, but this is, after all, Christmas week.)
So this little stretch-marked cornpone is either lying, has a closed head injury,
is a complete ignoramus or all of the above.
Huckabee opposes school choice, earning him the coveted endorsement of the National
Education Association of New Hampshire, which is like the sheriff being endorsed by
the local whorehouse.
He is, however, in favor of school choice for kids in Mexico: They have the choice
of going to school there or here. Huckabee promoted giving in-state tuition in
Arkansas to illegal immigrants from Mexico but not to U.S. citizens from Ohio.
"I don't believe you punish the children," he said, "for the crime and sins of the
Since when is not offering someone lavish taxpayer-funded benefits a form of
punishment? That's almost as crazy as a governor pardoning a known sex offender so
he can go out and rape and kill.
Huckabee claims he's against punishing children for the crimes of their fathers in
the case of illegal immigrants. But in the case of slavery, he believes the
children of the children's children should be routinely punished for the crimes of
their fathers. Huckabee has said illegal immigration gives Americans a chance to
make up for slavery. (I thought letting O.J. walk for murdering two people was
payback for slavery.)
Just two years ago, Huckabee cheerfully announced to a meeting of the Hispanic
advocacy group League of United Latin American Citizens that "Pretty soon, Southern
white guys like me may be in the minority." Who's writing this guy's speeches Al
Sharpton? (Actually, take out "Southern" and "white," and I agree with Huckabee's
He said the transition from Arkansas' Southern traditions would "require
extraordinary efforts on both sides of the border." But, curiously, most of the
efforts Huckabee described would come entirely from this side of the border.
Arkansas, he pledged, would celebrate diversity "in culture, in language and in
population." He said America would have to "accommodate" those who come here.
All that he expected from those south of the border was that they have a desire to
provide better opportunities for their families. Basically, we have to keep
accommodating everyone but U.S. citizens.
For those of you keeping score at home, this puts Huckabee just a little to the
left of Dennis Kucinich on illegal immigration and border control. The only
difference is that Kucinich supports amnesty for aliens from south of the border
and north of Saturn.
In a widely quoted remark, Huckabee denounced a Republican bill that would merely
require proof of citizenship to vote and receive government benefits as
"un-Christian, un-American, irresponsible and anti-life," according to the Arkansas
News Bureau. Now, where have I heard this sort of thing before? Hmmm ... wait, now
I remember: It was during the Democratic debates!
In his current attempt to pretend to be against illegal immigration, Huckabee makes
a meaningless joke about how the federal government should track illegals the way
Federal Express tracks packages. (Can a Mexican fit in one of those little
In other words, Huckabee is going to address the problem of illegal immigration by
making jokes. It's called leadership, folks.
Huckabee confirms for liberal TV hosts their image of conservatives as dorks by
bragging about how cool he is because he "likes music." What's he doing running
for president or filling out his Facebook profile? Arkansas former
fatty loves to make jokes and play the bass guitar. Remember what
happened to the last former fatboy from Arkansas trying to be "cool" by liking
music? I'll take "Stained Dresses" for $400, Alex.
According to Huckabee, most people think conservatives don't like music. Who on
earth says conservatives don't like music other than liberals and Mike Huckabee?
This desperate need to be liked by liberals has never led to anything but
Huckabee wants to get kids involved in music at an early age because he believes it
leads to a more balanced and developed brain. You know, as we saw with the Jackson
family. Maybe someone should tell him the Osmonds are voting for Romney.
He supports a nationwide smoking ban anyplace where people work, constitutional
protection for sodomy, big government, higher taxes and government benefits for
illegal aliens. According to my calculations, that puts him about three earmarks
away from being Nancy Pelosi.
Liberals take a perverse pleasure in touting Huckabee because they know he will
give them everything they want big government and a Christian they can roll.