Home
In this issue
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality
Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America
Oct. 29, 2009
Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity?
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland
JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure?
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost
Oct. 15, 2009
Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process'
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Dec. 26, 2008 / 29 Kislev 5769

Taking care of family

By Linda Chavez


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | For the past dozen years, my family has been constantly growing until we now number 15. But this year's addition isn't a new daughter-in-law or grandchild. At 87, my mother has finally come to live with me. It wasn't an easy move for her. And the timing, at the beginning of November, meant integrating her into daily life during the holidays, when most families experience additional stress as well as the joys of the season.


Since my father was killed in an automobile accident in 1978, my mother has lived on her own in a small apartment next to her sister-in-law in Albuquerque. My dad's family has treated her as one of their own for 30 years. When she could no longer drive because her eyesight was failing, my Aunt Elsie and Cousin Margaret drove her to buy groceries each week. And they included her in all family celebrations when she could no longer travel east to be with us on Thanksgiving or Christmas.


My mother's life has never been an easy one. She was nearly killed in a devastating car crash that broke her back and shoulder and left her with a hole in her skull and pins holding her ankle together. Three of her children have died: my younger sister of kidney disease when she was just 6 years old, my older half-brother in a car accident when he was barely 15, and another half-brother in his 50s. She has survived the loneliness of widowhood and the pain of breast cancer. Yet, despite tragedies that would have left others in despair, she has remained resilient and optimistic.


As independent as she has been, however, I've always known that one day she would live with me. I couldn't imagine shunting her off to live with strangers, even though I know this has become far more socially acceptable today than in the past when adult children assumed the responsibility of caring for their aged parents. But even as she began to lose her vision from macular degeneration and became frail with the aches of old age, she's resisted making the final move.


Finally I quit asking and told her it was time. My aunt was 87 and couldn't be expected to chauffeur my mother around much longer — and even my cousin was now in retirement, with her own health problems. And I worried that if I waited until my mother's eyesight was completely gone or until she was too sick to care for herself, the move would be even harder on her.


Her first week was difficult. She worried about the new doctors I'd line up, fearing I might insist on going into the exam with her (of course, I didn't) or that they would tell her she needed to eat differently or make friends her own age, advice she'd ignored for years. But once she realized I'd let her buy her Milky Ways and shortbread cookies and wouldn't try to interest her in the local senior center, she settled in nicely.


The key has been allowing her the independence she so values. Yes, she is dependent on me for driving her on errands, but she wants to prepare her own meals and set her own schedule. She's invited to join us in family events — grandkids' and great-grandkids' birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations — but she's also free to retreat to her apartment when it gets too noisy or decline the invitation if it involves a long car ride or she's not feeling up to it.


Most days she spends lying on the couch in her sitting room listening to the Game Show Network or Fox News Channel. She keeps the shades down and the TV volume and heat up. She eats like a bird, taking only tiny portions of meat or vegetables, but she always has room for dessert. Her main exercise is pushing the cart through the grocery store once a week. But she remains trim and still beautiful after all these years — and more important, happy.


I can't possibly know how long we'll have her with us or what new challenges the years ahead with her will bring. But I do know that bringing her to live with me was the right decision. In an age when the elderly are often seen more as a burden than a benefit, it is important to remember what our parents have done for us and what we owe them. Taking care of each other is what family is all about.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


JWR contributor Linda Chavez is President of the Center for Equal Opportunity. Her latest book is "Betrayal: How Union Bosses Shake Down Their Members and Corrupt American Politics". (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.)

Linda Chavez Archives


© 2006, Creators Syndicate

Insight (Our Columnists)

 Arnold Ahlert
 Mitch Albom
 Michael Barone
  Dave Barry
 Tony Blankley
 Andy Borowitz
 David Broder
 Stratfor Briefing
 Mona Charen
 Linda Chavez
 Ann Coulter
 Greg Crosby
 Larry Elder
 Suzanne Fields
 John Fund
 Frank J. Gaffney
 Lloyd Garver
 Jonah Goldberg
 Julia Gorin
 Jonathan Gurwitz
 Paul Greenberg
 Lewis Grossberger
 Victor Davis Hanson
 Betsy Hart
 Nat Hentoff
 David Horowitz
 Laura Ingraham
 Cheri Jacobus
Jeff Jacoby
 Paul Johnson
 Jack Kelly
 Ed Koch
 Ch. Krauthammer
 Michael Ledeen
 John Leo
 David Limbaugh
 Kathryn Lopez
 Rich Lowry
 Michelle Malkin
 Jackie Mason
 Dick Morris
 Bill O'Reilly
 Jim Mullen
 Clarence Page
 Kathleen Parker
 Dennis Prager
 Wesley Pruden
 Tom Purcell
 Jonathan Rauch
 Celia Rivenbark
 Robert Robb
 Cokie & Steve Roberts
 Pat Sajak
 Debra J. Saunders
 Culture Shlock
 Roger Simon
 Michael Smerconish
 Thomas Sowell
 Mark Steyn
 John Stossel
 Cal Thomas
 Bob Tyrrell
 Diana West
 Dave Weinbaum
 George Will
 Walter Williams
 Byron York
 Mort Zuckerman

'Toons
 Robert Arial
 Chuck Asay
 Baloo
 Chip Bok
 Dry Bones
  Lisa Benson
 John Branch
 Gary Brookins
 John Cole
 J. D. Crowe
 John Deering
 Brian Duffy
 Everything's Relative
 Mallard Fillmore
 Jake Fuller
 Bob Gorrel
 Joe Heller
 David Hitch
 Jerry Holber
 Steve Kelley
 Jeff Koterba
 Dick Locher
 Chan Lowe
 Ranan R. Lurie
 Jimmy Margulies
 Rick McKee
 Michael Ramirez
 Kevin Siers
 Jeff Stahler
 Ed Stein
 Danna Summers
 John Trever
 Gary Varvel
 Kirk Walters

Lifestyles
 How 2
 Lori Borgman
 The Savvy Consumer
 Elder matters
 Fixit
 Dr. Peter Gott
 GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
 Richard Lederer
 Tech Maven
 Every Monday Matters
 Nutrition Myths
 Bookmark These
 Bruce Williams
 How Stuff Works