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Jewish World Review Dec. 15, 2000 / 18 Kislev, 5761
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
OUR FOREFATHER Abraham implanted the mitzvah of
hachnossas orchim, hospitality, as a permanent
feature of Jewish life for all time.
Through his own life, he
showed its overriding importance.
The Torah says that
"Abraham was sitting by the
tent door...and he saw, and
behold, three men stood by
him...and he ran toward them
from the tent door."
We learn that at the tent
door, Abraham was occupied
with a vision of the Divine
presence. Yet he ran from that
lofty height to greet three
wayfarers. Our sages point out
that both his decision to leave
the Creator's presence for his
guests, and his haste in reaching
them, mean that hospitality
is a more
important mitzvah even then
receiving G-d's presence.
It is also a mitzvah, the
Talmud says, that produces
rewards both in this world
and the next.
Dr. Meir Wikler,
an author and psychotherapist,
outlined the rich earthly
rewards in an article in the
Jewish Observer, April 1998.
Among them are:
the satisfaction
inherent in
meeting
someone
else' s
needs; the
chance to
encounter
new people;
the introduction
of new personalities
and
ideas to your
table; the opportunity
to do further
mitzvahs (matchmaking,
job referrals,
etc.); motivation for family
members to be on their
"best behavior"; and finally,
the chance to learn from others,
who bring you their own
learning and viewpoints.
Clearly, hospitality is an act of kindness that
works both ways.
Inner Excellence
USING YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK
Most people have family
and friends that can lend
practical and/or emotional
support in times of trouble.
The most effective way to
eliminate a
worry is to
eliminate
its cause,
and sometimes
we
have the
access to the
resources to
do just
that—but, we're reluctant to
use them.
Rabbi Yechezkail
Levenstein wrote to someone
who worried about his
lack of money, but wouldn't
borrow from others. The
sage advised him that,
although one should avoid
borrowing, the worry over
money was the larger of the
two problems, and "It is
worthwhile to choose the
smaller problem rather
than the greater one." Sometimes
all that's needed is a
willingness to "bite the bullet"
and put into effect a
solution that may be somewhat
painful, but does solve
the problem.
At other
times, however,
the
solution
isn't apparent.
That's
when, the Talmudic sages
say, talking
the problem
over
with a trusted friend, relative,
or counselor, can be the
best weapon against worry.
The pragmatic benefit is
that he may see a solution
you don't. The emotional
benefit is that, even if he
doesn't have the answer, the
simple act of talking it out
often lightens the burden
tremendously.
One caveat: Don't tell
friends and family about a
problem if it serves no purpose
to do so and it will
only upset them. Instead,
look for a confidante who
can deal with your problem
in an intelligent, solution-oriented
manner.
Adapted from "Gateway to Happiness,"
by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, with
permission from the author
Personal Growth
I THINK I CAN
Remember the children's
story of the little red
caboose? The train huffed
and puffed its way up a steep
mountain, repeating the
phrase, "I
think I can,
I think I
can." And so
it reached
the top.
Belief in
your ability
to reach a
goal is perhaps
the
single most
important
factor in success, and this
holds true especially in the
difficult task of conquering
the trait of anger.
Even a person with a
volatile nature can aspire to
self-control. Step one in the
process is to know that you
can learn to interpret and
respond to events in a way
that doesn't set off anger.
These are skills that, with
time and perseverance, will
come as naturally as a
tantrum might have come
previously. Step two is to ask
for the Creator's help.
And step
three is to
realize that
you have
controlled
anger in
the past.
You don't
scream at a
six-month
old baby
when he
breaks
something valuable. You just
accept the loss and find a
safer place for your belongings.
Nor are you likely to
scream at your teacher, even
if you feel wronged, because
there's a level of respect that
normally prevents such
behavior. So you see that if
you have to stay in control,
you can.
Once you know you can,
all you have to do is keep
trying. Keep practicing the
strategies that deflate
temper, put things into perspective
and help you stay
centered and calm. The
more you practice, the easier
it becomes. It all starts with
believing it can be done.
Adapted from "Anger, the Inner Teacher,"
The Gift of a Guest
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