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Jewish World Review April 17, 2001 / 24 Nissan, 5761
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
WHEN your child, or student,
or employee makes a
mistake, you take notice, as
you must. But it’s equally
important to take notice
when people do things right.
Sentences that start with "I
like how you..." "I respect
what you did when..." "I really
admire..." build a positive
relationship and motivation
to keep striving.
It’s especially important
to catch someone improving
in a weak area. The child that
doesn’t like to share hands
over his favorite toy. The
habitually late employee
shows up early. The forgetful
student brings his homework.
Let them know you notice.
You’ll find that your acknowledgement
builds up their
newly formed good habit,
until it becomes not only
what you expect of them, but
what they expect of themselves.
Adapted from Begin Again
Now -- with permission from the
author, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin
Effective
Prayer
GETTING INSIDE
The Hebrew word "teivah"
has two meanings. Most
commonly it is used to
mean the vessel Noah
built—the ark.
But it can also
mean "word."
Thus, in the story of
Noah,
w hen
the Creator
t e l l s
Noah to
"enter the
ark," the
phrase can
also mean
"enter the word,"
directing him to
envelop himself
in his words of
prayer.
Rabbi Moshe
of Kobrin
was once
asked
"How
can a big
person fit inside a tiny
word?" He answered, "A
person who considers himself
bigger than these words
is not the kind of person
we're talking about."
The Talmud teaches that
only when a person humbles
himself before the Creator
are his prayers accepted.
Preoccupied with our egotistical
concerns, we remain at a
distance from the words of
tefillah, reciting them but
not really absorbing them
into our souls. By stepping
outside our egos, we can
step inside the words of
prayer, where, like Noah in
his wooden "teivah," we can
be enveloped by the Creator's presence.
Adapted from "Growing Each
Day," by Abraham J. Twerski,
with permission from Mesorah
Publications, Ltd.
Inner Excellence
THE GOOD WAY
Rabban Yochanan ben
Zakkai, in Pirkei Avos, tells
his five students to go out
into the world and determine
"which is
the good way
to which man
should cling."
Each was
impressed by a
different trait
which he felt
was the key to
one's ability to
live a religious life. This
is the second of a
five-part series
examining these traits.
Said Rabbi Yehoshua: "A Good Friend."
The quality of "chaver
tov" means both being and
having a good friend. But
what is a good friend? The
Torah's definition is a person
who helps his fellow in
both the physical and the
spiritual realms.
Rav Yisroel Salanter, founder of the Mussar (Jewish ethics) movement,
defined a friend as one who
knows what the other is lacking,
and he
illustrated the
point with a
story of two
drunks.
In the
midst of their
drunken conversation,
one
asked the other,
"Are you my
true friend?"
The companion
replied magnanimously,
"Sure I am." "Well then," said
the first man, "tell me what
I'm lacking."
The focus on
another's needs, even simple
physical needs, prevents us
from becoming self-centered
and trains us to extend our-selves
to those around us.
In the spiritual realm, a
good friend sees another's
flaws and obstacles, and
helps him overcome them,
opening the way to growth
that he could never achieve
on his own. Through gentle
rebuke, sound advice, learning
and growing together,
good friends become an integral
part of each other's spiritual
success. They refine in
each other the middos, character traits, essential
for a religious life.
Caught in the Act
Chosen Words, a newsletter of spiritual and personal growth, is produced by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation. Comment by clicking here.
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