Disney World reportedly upped their security at the newly renovated Hall of Presidents to keep protesters from shooting paint balls at the Trump robot. Disney should charge an extra twenty bucks to people who want to fire paint balls at Trump's robot. They can call the exhibit Donald Duck.
• Somalia's government urged the U.S. to stop deporting illegal Somalis from the U.S. due to the terrorist threats they face back home. It's a completely different culture there. Whenever Somalis see a fat woman on the street, they don't tell her to go on a diet, they ask her where she got the food.
• North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un addressed the North Korea's People's Congress last week and vowed that his ICBM missiles can reach and destroy Los Angeles, New York and Chicago. The North Koreans can't be stupid enough to attack Chicago. Surely they know they'd be outgunned.
• Washington, DC was rated the nation's most literate city in the U.S. in a survey that is based on the number of bookstores and newspaper sales. It was followed by Minneapolis and Seattle. Los Angeles wasn't considered because they refuse to consider the amount of texts we read while driving.
• The Oklahoma City School Board will rename schools named after Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and Stand Watie, bowing to growing national pressure. Americans should strike a deal. The North gets Hillary and the South gets Confederate heroes, and we all have a Lost Cause to celebrate.
• The Department of Agriculture confirmed speculation Thursday that California may take over Florida's place as the number one orange growing state. They're very image-conscious. Last week, the California Orange Growers offered O.J. Simpson a hundred grand to change his name to Snapple.
• NFL owners gave in to demands by the NFL Players Association and agreed to donate ninety million dollars to social justice causes, which include confronting police departments about the way they treat minorities. We should all get behind the police. There's a lot less chance we'll get shot there.
• The White House angered the Kremlin by selling anti-tank guns to Ukrainians who are fighting Russia-backed rebels. The Ukrainians were born in a country with Germans to the west of them and Russians to the east. Ukraine's motto is, That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Missed.
• Wal-Mart announced they are going to start using no checkers at the cash register in some stores and let every purchase be self-service. It'll be pandemonium. Last week, I made it through Self-Checkout without needing any help, and Wal-Mart offered to make me district manager.
• New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio raised eyebrows in the news media by speaking at an Iowa Democratic Party fundraising dinner this week. Everyone knows this means that he's probably running for president. The only other time that a New Yorker goes to Iowa is when the plane crashes.
• The L.A. Times reports the Coast Guard discovered a sea turtle in the Pacific Ocean which was dragging the binding rope that connected bales of cocaine. It was a nice try. Now it's just a simple matter for narcotics detectives to track down which Malibu resident has been raising homing turtles.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.