A NASA scientist told a geo-physicist convention in California the Earth is due for an extinction-causing event like an asteroid strike. You can sense the danger. CNN reported that the spaceship containing the aliens who rigged the presidential election has just crashed in the New Mexico desert.
• CNN said so far Donald Trump's cabinet consists of white men, a few white women and Dr. Ben Carson. At Trump Tower Wednesday, Trump welcomed Dr. Carson by name and said it was nice to have a brain surgeon. The guy said he's Kanye West and nobody told him about brain surgery.
• Donald Trump hosted CEOs of Silicon Valley's high-tech giants at the president-elect's penthouse boardroom in Trump Tower. Present were the heads of Amazon, Apple, Tesla, Google and Facebook. Unfortunately none of them could tell Trump how to log on to Twitter if he'd forgotten his password.
• Donald Trump was filmed greeting the Silicon Valley high-tech chieftains in his board room Thursday. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey couldn't attend. Once everyone agrees you've created a funnier Frankenstein than Mel Brooks did, you're too busy wooing Golden Globe voters to hang out with the monster.
• Donald Trump was reported Thursday set to appoint Sylvester Stallone to be Chairman of the National Endowment of the Arts. He'd be in charge of doling out huge grants to fund artistic projects. Republicans want to make sure no artistic project is funded unless it contains ten explosions.
• President Obama vowed to take action against Russia for hacking into DNC computers during the election to embarrass Hillary. The released e-mails revealed how the Democrats screwed Bernie Sanders out of the nomination. So Russia tried to rig our election by exposing how we rig our election.
• Forbes magazine named Russia's President Vladimir Putin the Most Powerful Person in the World Thursday and added that he's worth fifty billion dollars. That's incredible for a guy who was raised communist. Imagine how much he'd be worth if he didn't believe in income redistribution.
• Josef Stalin came to Putin in a dream and Putin asked Stalin what he could do to make Russia great again. Stalin told him to execute all his opponents and paint the Kremlin blue. When Putin asked, why blue, Stalin laughed and said, that's my boy, I knew you wouldn't ask about the first part!
• The New York Times quoted French police who state that sixty-three of the three hundred fifty ISIS terrorists at large in Paris are women. There are certainly no virgins waiting for them in heaven. They’re all standing in line on Hollywood Boulevard waiting to see the next Star Wars movie.
• Jim Brown enlisted Donald Trump’s support for his at-risk youth program Tuesday. The NFL legend was arrested six times in L.A. for assaulting women but never went to jail until he smashed a woman’s car with a golf club. Even O.J. Simpson could have told Jim, this is Los Angeles, not the car.
• Forbes magazine named Russian president Vladimir Putin the most powerful person on earth in their annual survey of world leaders. Russia’s news agency says that Putin’s approval rating is eighty-six percent. They expect it to be one hundred-twenty percent after they fix a computer glitch.
• Uber Technologies rolled out its self-driving car fleet Thursday in the company’s home town of San Francisco. However California’s Department of Motor Vehicles issued a ruling saying that Uber’s autonomous, driverless cars are illegal. This is terrible news, they can’t drive but they can vote.
• The New York Post interviewed astronomers Wednesday who warned that the earth is overdue for a giant meteor strike. It appears some people have lost their minds over Trump winning the U.S. presidency. Even supporters of the Giant Meteor are making a run at the Electoral College voters.
• Mitt Romney issued a statement Tuesday saying he was honored to be considered for the great post of Secretary of State. Even the great Rodney Dangerfield’s stage act wasn’t as polished and as practiced as Mitt Romney’s concession speeches are today. It proves repetition is the key to execution.
• Donald Trump attributed the post-election stock market bounce to approval for his appointees to run the government. In related news, after four years Rick Perry finally remembered the name of that third federal government cabinet department he wanted to eliminate. He’s now in charge of it.
• Donald Trump ripped NBC News because of the way they edited his remarks in a Fox News interview. It’s bad. Trump told Fox he wanted to express his love to women voters for helping him in a giant way to win the election, and NBC edited him to say he wants women to love his giant election.
• Donald Trump told a Wisconsin he’ll work day and night and take no salary in office. China just told the U.S. to stop accusing it of using slave labor when the U.S. president works sixteen hours a day for one dollar a year. Actually it’s ninety cents because William Morris takes its cut off the top.
• Donald Trump said he will remain as the executive producer of Celebrity Apprentice that will star Arnold Schwarzenegger. People are kidding Arnold that the hosting job produces presidents. Young people fall over laughing at the idea that a man from Austria could take over another country.
• Senate Democrats demanded hearings on Russian hacking into DNC computers that they say elected Trump. No one bought that so it died out, along with the recount, and the Electoral College strong-arming is going nowhere. Japan just offered Democrats a seminar called Surrendering to Win.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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