• The New York Giants snapped the Dallas Cowboys ten-game winning streak on NBC Sunday night with an upset victory. All my life, I've been a Cowboys fan, but suddenly and mysteriously during the second half, I switched teams and found myself rooting for the Giants. Damned Russians.
• The San Diego Chargers were reported Friday considering moving to Los Angeles next season and leasing a stadium from the newly arrived Rams, who just fired their head coach. Both teams are in last place. Apparently Los Angeles just declared itself a sanctuary city for lousy football teams.
• NBC reports that Donald Trump will remain as the executive producer of Celebrity Apprentice while he's still U.S. president. You can't make it up. NBC is just now realizing that it paid Donald Trump a hundred million dollars over ten TV seasons to train him how to select his cabinet members.
• Donald Trump made more cabinet choices Monday as Democrats said that Russian hackers aided his campaign for president. It undercuts the president-elect's huge accomplishment on Election Day. Donald Trump became the first man in history to win an argument with a woman.
• MSNBC anchor Brian Williams denounced fake news reported on the Internet that political partisans use to sway public opinion by spreading tall tales. Did Brian forget why he was demoted to NBC's cable channel? Brian Williams criticizing fake news is like Chris Christie telling fat jokes.
• Senate Democrats called for a committee probe to see if Russian hackers helped throw the election for Trump. Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta declared that Trump's election was invalid. And then he asked the Russians for help remembering his Yahoo mail password.
• Democrats say the Russians tampered with the electorate to help Trump Monday. Republicans say the media tampered with the electorate on Hillary's side. Meanwhile Queen Elizabeth keeps sitting on her ninety-percent approval rating with American voters like it's a rent-controlled apartment.
• The Washington Post says Russia hacked Democratic email that revealed how the media was trying to throw the election to Hillary. Russia screwed Hillary by exposing how the media was in bed with her. It broke Hillary's forty-year streak of being the only Clinton without an orgy to her credit.
• Exxon's CEO the Secretary of State may help us win the War on Terror. We've bombed them, we've invaded them and we've killed their leaders. We've tried everything to wipe them out except the one thing Exxon knows how to do, diagonal drilling that will suck the oil right out from under them.
• Golden Globe nominees were announced Monday and the awards banquet will be telecast live from the Beverly Hilton ballroom next month. The TV ratings are huge. The Golden Globes allow people to see the most number of stars in once place without having to donate to the Democratic Party.
• The Founder opens Friday with Michael Keaton as Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald's. The studio had two versions ready to release. If Trump won the election, it'd be a movie glorifying free market capitalism and individual initiative, and Hillary Clinton won, it'd be a another slavery movie.
• Twentieth-Century Fox released the trailer for War for the Planet of the Apes to promote the movie's release next July. It's a crowd pleaser. In the movie, the apes take over everything and within thirty days, the border is secured, everyone has health insurance and ISIS has been destroyed.
• Hillary Clinton gave a speech in Washington D.C. in which she blamed her election loss on fake news on the Internet and in social media. The media agrees. NBC News anchor Brian Williams says fake news is a bigger threat than when his helicopter took rocket-propelled grenade fire in Iraq.
• Donald Trump spoke for the GOP Senate candidate in Louisiana Friday then he named a new cabinet member. Then, he flew to Michigan to give a speech spelling out his industrial policy. President Obama had to issue three statements this last week reminding Americans that he's still alive.
• The U.S. Senate spent Friday trying to agree on a temporary federal budget to avoid a shutdown with the national debt increasing by two billion dollars per day and set to reach twenty trillion dollars by Inauguration Day. It's just staggering. Only Pearl Harbor was ever attacked by more zeros.
• Nancy Pelosi asserted Monday that the Democratic Party doesn't need to change course. They just lost the House, Senate and presidency. The Tory Party is extinct in America because it's the only party whose platform said that fewer jobs meant fewer horses in your way on your way to the fox hunt.
• The Centers for Disease Control released a study saying that thirty-eight percent of U.S. adults are obese and thirty percent are overweight. The obesity epidemic has finally hit Los Angeles. You know it's time to lose weight when you've been invited to an orgy and they want you to be the mattress.
• American Airlines flight attendants demanded that the airline recall their new wool uniforms Sunday. They cause itching, hives and eye-burning. It's weird enough they have to walk around on the airplane serving drinks and cocktails and wine and beer with a pin on their chest that says AA.
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