Donald Trump upset U.S.-China protocols by accepting a congratulatory call from the leader of Taiwan. Thirty-seven years ago, in exchange for the U.S. not talking to Taiwan, China agreed to start trading with the United States. The event is celebrated in the New Testament as the Birth of Wal-Mart.
• Donald Trump said Monday he wouldn't need to Tweet so often if the news media would cover him and quote him fairly and honorably. The national media still can't accept they lost to Trump. Every day they wait for UPS to deliver their participation trophy and it's been nothing for three weeks.
• Donald Trump conducted interviews in Trump Tower Monday which included a long talk with Al Gore. It's the least he could do. Trump has become a superstar on Twitter and Hillary's email scandal might have cost her the election, and Trump wanted to thank Gore for inventing the Internet.
• The National Weather Service said the drought will resume in Southern California this winter due to La Nina and Santa Ana wind conditions that'll keep it warm and dry. It affects everything. California is so poor, hot, dusty and windy that even the earthquakes are moving back to Oklahoma.
• The Department of Transportation warned that one of every four car wrecks during the holidays is caused by drunk driving. That's just in the U.S. In Canada you're not drunk unless you suddenly swerve to avoid a tree and it just turns out to be the air freshener hanging from your rear-view mirror.
• A Virginia school district pulled Huckleberry Finn and To Kill a Mockingbird from their library because a parent complained about racial slurs in the book. They claimed their child read the slurs and repeated them. Don't let the snowflake read the Three Musketeers or he could OD on candy bars.
• Global Britain think tank reported the Brexit will add billions to the UK treasury, increase the number of high paying jobs in Britain, and prompt widespread UK worker re-training. Stand-up comics are in total favor of leaving Europe in the hands of Germany. What could possibly go wrong?
• Fidel Castro's funeral was marred Sunday when the jeep hauling his ashes to his grave broke down and the jeep had to be pushed to the site by Cuban soldiers. What a hole. On Halloween in Cuba you could be arrested for wasting precious state resources if you toilet paper somebody's house.
• Fidel Castro's funeral was marred Sunday when the jeep hauling his ashes to his grave broke down and the jeep had to be pushed to the site by Cuban soldiers. It was another socialist triumph. Cubans laughed so hard they wound up regretting that communism had run them out of toilet paper.
• Homeland Security heightened its terror alert following the Muslim knife attack at Ohio State last week. Radical Muslims are reported plotting to go on a rampage in downtown Los Angeles, killing anyone who's a U.S. citizen. Police say the death toll may reach as high as nine, maybe even ten.
• The New York Post reported that the Secret Service may move into two vacant floors of Trump Tower in order to protect the First Family. Protecting a president in Manhattan is harrowing. The Secret Service agents are going to have a lot of fun screaming Donald Duck every time a car misfires.
• Trump Tower insiders said Sarah Palin could be named to head the Veterans Administration this week. It's a shrewd move by Trump to try to keep the comedians off his back. If Sarah Palin is appointed to head the VA, every veterinarian in America will start receiving federal benefit checks.
• NBC's Andrea Mitchell quoted a Democratic Party pollster Friday who said exit polls showed Hillary came off to voters as a man. It says a lot. Hillary's loss plus the cancellation of My Name Is Cait indicates that America can still stand some improvement in the area of transgender acceptance.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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