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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review December 28, 2012/ 15 Teves, 5773

My Hangover Cures

By Roger Simon




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As usual, I am presenting my list of holiday hangover cures. I do not know why. When you need this, you probably won't even be able to read it. Your eyes will be two pink dots, your teeth will itch, and your mouth will feel as if an army has marched through it.

Actually, I have no sympathy for people who awaken with crushing hangovers. A hangover is His way of telling you that you are still alive.

But I know you expect aid and comfort from me, and so I will once again share with you my collection of expert cures for this hangover season:

1. DR. PHILIP THOREK, a surgeon with an interest in nutrition and drinking:

"Boy, alcohol really knocks the hell out of your liver. And the liver is a marvelous organ. But what do we do to it? We go out and kill off a fifth and turn into bibulous slobs.

"The only real cure for a hangover is what I call the Tincture of Time. You have to wait hours and hours for your body to metabolize and destroy the alcohol. And it is not just the alcohol, but the impurities. The fusel oils! The congeners! The aldehydes!

"A hangover is a form of poisoning. There is no doubt about this. Now, eating fatty foods, bread or cheese will help absorb some of the alcohol. But this doesn't mean you can go and drink more. That's crazy. Moderation, moderation. This is what we must learn.

"A glass of wine is a good tranquilizer. But you must remember temperance. Not abstinence, but temperance. But what do we do? We go out and drink triple martinis, wake up with a terrible hangover and blame the olives!"

2. ROBERTO SURO, famous journalist: "Here is what they do in South America. One takes the rawest of fish. The fish is placed in lemon juice and raw onions. Hot sauce is added. The fish is then soaked for two days. No less. This is eaten with popcorn and beer. Yes, they have popcorn in South America.

"This cure is known as tratamiento de choque. In North America, you would know it as the 'shock treatment.'

"I also hear that among unsavory elements at some American places of higher education, a certain type of cigarette is smoked immediately upon awakening to remove all sense of pain.

It is my understanding that this is not strictly legal, and therefore, I have never tried this myself. Also, I hear Valium is good.

"There is also a ritual to be followed. We do this every New Year's at my mother's. As the clock gongs midnight, a grape must be eaten upon each gong. Of course, with clocks with no gongs, this becomes difficult. In that case, just eat 12 grapes quickly.

"Then a raw egg is cracked into a glass of water. One carefully watches the shape of the egg white. From this, the future may be predicted."

3. THE GUILT CURE: Look in the mirror and read this in the voice of your spouse: "You slob. You absolute pig. Look at yourself. I can't stand the sight of you. You do this every year. I hope you're pleased with yourself. You look awful. If you ever do this again, I'm throwing you out of this house. You make me sick. You ought to be ashamed."

4. THE TRADITIONAL CURE: Chicken soup cures anything. You can drink it. You can soak your head in it. You can wash your face in it. You can take the spots out of your tie with it. You can even mix it with white wine and soda and make a chicken soup spritzer. Even if it doesn't help your hangover, it will remind you of your mother.

5. LORD BYRON'S CURE: "Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter/Sermons and soda water the day after."

6. ANOTHER MEDICAL CURE: Drinking causes dehydration and the contraction of the blood vessels. To cure this, drink water or fruit juices, and take aspirin. Unfortunately, another shot of booze might also swell the blood vessels and relive the pain. But this just starts the whole thing over again.

7. ZAY SMITH, newsman and former bartender: "People would come into the tavern in very bad shape and ask me for something to stop the pain. The only think I knew about was Worcestershire sauce on a lemon wedge.

"You just close your eyes and bite the lemon wedge. It helps if you are standing up while doing this. Actually, this is not a cure for hangovers. It is a cure for hiccups. But these guys were so drunk, they didn't know the difference.

"I'd ask them if they felt better, and they'd say: 'Huh? Where am I?'

"So I guess it works."

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