Home
In this issue
April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review December 31, 2012/ 18 Teves, 5773

Romney at the Bat

By Debra J. Saunders

Debra J. Saunders



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | With humble apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer, who wrote "Casey at the Bat," which was published in The San Francisco Examiner in 1888.


The outlook wasn't brilliant for the GOP this year:

The economy had tanked; hope and change had morphed to fear.

The strong and swift refused to join the presidential race.

So the weak and doubtful rose — and tried to take their place.


Our Herman Cain, for instance, flogged his taxing 9-9-9.

To 10 parts cuts but 1 part tax, all said that they'd decline.

Newt brought his wife, who wore her hair as if it were a hat.

Forget the freak show, sages said; bring Romney to the bat.


Pawlenty bailed 'fore Huntsman, after Bachmann grabbed the straw,

Though Huntsman was a RINO and she a foster ma.

Ron Paul cleaned up the college vote; Rick Perry had his back.

Santorum won in Iowa, but vote counts didn't track.


So Romney thanked Des Moines and felt himself a great debater,

While Newt the bellicose still argued with the moderator.

The deal, all vowed, would be no deal, but Romney said it best.

Santorum barked it, doglike, ripping up his sweater vest.


Then Romney tapped Paul Ryan, and Ryan filled the tent.

In Romney math, they'd win it, with their 53 percent.

Barack Obama blamed George Bush for economic woes.

And Mitt gleamed like a bonus for the Wall Street CEOs.


Super PACs charged that Bain had killed a worker's wife; it worked.

Who said "Mitt's a murderer"? a campaign spokestress smirked.

Dirty Harry told a chair to seat itself, puh-lease.

Bill Clinton talked so fine that folks forgot he was a sleaze.


Still, Romney won the first debate — so easy, with no trips.

Obama seemed both proud and bored — few words upon his lips.

When pundits said the Chosen One, he must be off his feed,

That signaled to Team Romney they could sit upon their lead.


Benghazi boiled; would Romney raise the bogus White House spin?

He stumbled on his sound bite, and poor Candy waded in.

"Not optimal," those corpses, later quoth the prez. But then,

The rabid press had spotted Ann, a known equestrian.


Once, Romney placed poor Seamus on the station wagon roof —

a more defining moment than Obama's debt deal goof.

"Thanks a lot for Romneycare," Obama smugly said.

"That wasn't me, or wasn't I," Mitt Romney meekly pled.


From the pollsters, hooked to landlines, a question mark appeared:

About those undecideds — are they clueless or just weird?

"Kill them. Kill the pollsters!" bloggers fumed and quite sincerely.

And though murder seemed a tad extreme, sometimes it didn't really.


"It's voter fraud!" the base cried out. "This early voting's crap."

They found some hope when Rove intoned, "Enthusiasm gap."

Let Axe and Plouffe remind the base to telephone their friends;

May binders full of women turn out wearing their Depends.


Then Sandy hit the Jersey shore; Obama hit the beach.

In Boston, busy handlers penned a quick concession speech.

O Florida, O Keystone State, beloved Ohio,

You are so very blue today, though red two years ago.


Oh, somewhere in this welfare state, large crowds are having fun.

John Boehner isn't crying as Obama crows, "I won."

He's racing toward the fiscal cliff — while voters scream and shout.

What D.C. pol can break the fall? Mitt Romney has struck out.


Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment JWR contributor Debra J. Saunders' column by clicking here.

Debra J. Saunders Archives

© 2012, Creators Syndicate

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles