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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review December 21, 2012/ 8 Teves, 5773

A confession to sin of shopping omission

By Reg Henry




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Once upon a time, in a far-off land, there lived a little boy with a freckled face only a mother could love. Because she loved him so, his mother would insist every so often that he accompany her on shopping excursions to buy school clothes.

If it were up to the little boy, he would prefer to go to school in a gunny sack because he had a particular horror of stores.

It wasn't just that shopping expeditions kept him from playing backyard football with his pals. It was the idea of traipsing behind a tireless mother-on-a-mission who insisted they he try on so many pairs of pants that he began to think he might be an adopted centipede.

The little boy thought the whole shopping experience was comparable to being boiled in oil or sitting in the dental chair with the drill rattling away like a jackhammer.

Because that far-off land was Australia, the little boy's fervid imagination also conjured up local terrors -- such as falling in a den of angry wombats, being mistaken for a mango by a giant fruit bat or finding a Death Adder nestled in one's trousers. This last was admittedly unlikely in a fitting room, but the boy feared that the more pants a kid tried on, the more chance it could happen.

In the fullness of time, the little boy grew up to be a man, somehow having survived the snakes and marsupials. However, he did not survive the institution of marriage, even with a face like his.

And every now and then in a new land of opportunity across the seas, he would find himself walking like a condemned man behind his wife as she patrolled the mall. All the ancient feelings of humiliation and frustration would afflict the poor fellow before they even passed through the food court.

At this point, the brighter type of reader will have discerned that the identity of this conscripted shopper is none other than me, your column host. I write it in an attempt to win the sympathy of fellow shopping-averse Americans with a view perhaps to forming a support group. My hunch is that my tale of shopping woe is common to many of us.

With Black Friday and Cyber Monday having been celebrated like old-fashioned feast days when the Almighty was worshipped more than random stuff on sale, the nonshoppers of America can't help feeling alienated. We have no place to camp outside in order to buy unneeded products. We have no way to spoil our Thanksgiving night except falling off the couch by accident. Why, we don't even enjoy the fun of making life miserable for the poor store staff who must spend a holiday in the company of mad shoppers.

To be fair, people who will do anything to buy a high-end HDTV on sale may not be clinically insane, despite the evidence of our eyes. They may just have a shopping gene, which people like me obviously lack.

Do you know how it makes me and fellow sufferers feel when shopping is ferociously being pursued on every side and at every unlikely time? Culturally isolated. Shunned. Whispered about. Baffled. Savaged by moose in the absence of wombats.

We understand that shopping is vital to the economy, and we feel like ingrates for not being able to play our part for America. We recognize that bricks-and-mortar stores and Internet shopping sites do good in the greater sense, because they wrap the gift of prosperity in colored paper. We wish we could help, but we can't. It's just not our nature (or nurture).

This does not mean we won't swallow hard and buy presents for our loved ones, all the while trying to ignore the intense itching feeling that shopping induces in our wallets. Yes, we will bravely see to it that the shoppers in the family do not go without gifts bought frantically on Christmas Eve, despite our suffering an outbreak of hives.

Still, our bafflement will not easily go away. We were under the impression that the economy stinks, but all the election talk about fiscal misery has turned out to be political hoo-ha. Obviously, the nation's fiscal health is wonderful. Shoppers waving large denomination bills at service counters do not lie. They will shop until the Dow Jones average does not drop.

But if you should go to a mall and see a shopping-weary man slumped on a bench and wearing a gunny sack for a shirt, take pity on him and wish him a Merry Christmas and a Shopping-Free New Year. Then go find his wife and tell her to come and collect him because he is an embarrassment to commerce.

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Previously:


Undecided voters are clearly in the wrong

These words can be irritating? Really?

A father's message is something to laugh at

Dear Friends: Facebook is, like, so lame

High Tide: the detergent drug dealers dig

It's funny how scary side effects can be

Must we meet so much? It's transparent

Why America needs a proper curmudgeon

A new grandfather's coming-of-age story

America still shows the power of the individual



© 2011, SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE

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