Jewish World Review December 20, 2012/ 6 Teves, 5773
The 10 worst movies of 2012
By Barry Koltnow
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) Are you giddy yet?
The New York and Los Angeles film critics have spoken.
The Screen Actors Guild has spoken.
The Broadcast Film Critics Association has spoken.
The American Film Institute has spoken.
And, of course, the silly Golden Globes people have spoken.
Yes, movie awards season is in full swing.
Between now and Jan. 10, when the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announces its Oscar nominees, you will be subjected to endless speculation from legitimate film critics and blogging hacks alike as to which film is the front runner for the best picture Oscar.
Is it "Lincoln?"
Is it "Zero Dark Thirty?"
Is it "Argo?"
Is it "Les MisÚrables?"
Is it "Silver Linings Playbook?"
Is it "Amour?"
Is it "Life of Pi?"
Is it "Django Unchained?"
Is it "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel?"
Trust me, the front runner will change more times than you can count because Oscar prognosticating has become a cottage industry in Hollywood, and too many journalists and pseudo-journalists justify their existence by trying to convince you that they have inside information on the Oscars race.
If you're not betting real money on the outcome, what's the difference? You'll know everything on Jan. 10 anyway.
In the meantime, a lot of truly horrible movies will get lost in the Oscar hype.
Too much time and effort is spent at the end of the year saluting the movie winners. What about the movie losers? They need to be identified because they wasted our precious time and money. They need to be singled out so that we can recognize them the next time they come around in a different form.
Great movies are worth the time and expense. Bad movies aren't worth the price of popcorn.
Here are the worst movies of 2012, or at least the worst movies I saw in 2012, and I saw a lot of them. This may be the last time you hear these titles mentioned in polite company. You certainly won't hear them announced on Jan. 10.
1. "Battleship" This was a particularly bad year for up-and-comer Taylor Kitsch, who parlayed a sexy turn as a football player on TV's "Friday Night Lights" into two coveted spots on this dubious list of turkeys (he also starred in No. 4). I don't know how you felt about Oliver Stone's "Savages," but Taylor starred in that one as well. He almost got the hat trick.
2. "What to Expect When You're Expecting" Based on a best-selling pregnancy guidebook. Let me repeat that; it was based on a best-selling pregnancy guidebook. That is not exactly the greatest source material for a movie. And, sure enough, it was about as much fun to experience as labor pains.
3. "That's My Boy" This is the obligatory Adam Sandler submission for worst movie of the year honors. He dragged Andy Samberg down with him on this one, although the Sandler look-alike went down willingly. Compared to this film, "Billy Madison" looks like "Casablanca."
4. "John Carter" Disney had high hopes for what they expected to be the start of a lucrative franchise. Made for $250 million, directed by Pixar genius Andrew Stanton and based on a story by "Tarzan" creator Edgar Rice Burroughs, how could it miss? It missed.
5. "Mirror Mirror" Julia Roberts was perfectly cast as the evil queen, but the best part of this movie was Snow White, played by singer Phil Collins' beautiful daughter Lily. This was the first of two bad Snow White movies in 2012. Kristen Stewart starred in the other, "Snow White and the Huntsman."
6. "Wrath of the Titans" Liam Neeson, what were you thinking? Ralph Fiennes, what were you thinking? Sam Worthington, what were you thinking? Perhaps, you guys were thinking of a fat paycheck?
7. "The Three Stooges" Peter and Bobby Farrelly should be ashamed. Several old guys came up to me and said they didn't think it was as bad as people were saying. Hey, there's a testimonial worth putting in a movie ad. "It's not as bad as people are saying."
8. "Dredd 3D" It was a dreadful comic-book movie in 1995. It was even more dreadful in 2012 because they made it in 3-D and charged an extra fee for the privilege. The futuristic plot features a reality-altering drug called "Slo-Mo." That's how it felt while I was watching it like my life was passing by in slow motion.
9. "Cloud Atlas" Three directors, two-thirds of whom made "The Matrix," couldn't make sense of this wandering story that featured Tom Hanks and Halle Berry each playing six characters. It was not six times more entertaining.
10. "The Dictator" We keep hoping for a repeat of the "Borat" magic, but we keep getting repeats of the "Bruno" nightmare. For some reason, audiences weren't interested in terrorist gags.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
2012's most annoying celebrities
© 2010, The Orange County Register; Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.