Jewish World Review Dec 20, 2011 / 24 Kislev, 5772
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Victoria's Secret was accused Friday of buying its cotton from a poor African country that abuses child workers. They beat kids with branches as they pick the cotton. Liberals could boycott and buy synthetic rayon, but they'd rather support slavery than oil companies.
President Obama blamed the recession Thursday on thirty years of policies that have brought us to this point. That makes everything the fault of two Bushes, a Reagan and a Clinton. The Obama Presidential Library will feature four wings of blame and a gift shop.
Lowe's Home Improvement stores canceled their sponsorship of All-American Muslim on TLC prompting Muslim groups to protest outside a New Jersey store. It didn't go very well at all. They were repeatedly interrupted by Mafia wives offering them yard work.
USA Today reported that half a million Baby Boomers have returned to college in the last two years to learn high-tech skills and computers. It's an exchange program. In return the Baby Boomers are teaching the college kids how to roll one-paper joints in a hurricane.
Mitt Romney ripped Newt Gingrich Thursday for having a half-million dollar line of credit at Tiffany's. It looked unseemly for Republicans to wage class warfare on one another. Mitt Romney is super-rich and Newt is solvent, which is rich by today's standards.
Forbes magazine said the six members of the Walton family who own Wal-Mart have a net worth equal to the poorest thirty percent of the U.S. That's how far down the economy has gone. We live in a world where people in Arkansas are the object of class envy.
Michelle Obama told People magazine Friday she doesn't allow her daughters Sasha and Malia to go on Facebook. She said there's no reason for people they don't know to know their family business. So many people in Chicago feel that way that the Justice Department has an entire division for them.
Norway cut butter tariffs after butter hit five hundred dollars a pound Friday. They blame the shortage of butter on low dairy output due to a rainy summer in Norway, as well as the popularity of high-fat diets, for using up all the butter. Butter is so profitable in Wisconsin this year that Holstein jerseys are more popular than Aaron Rodgers jerseys.
Kansas regulators on Tuesday approved a thirty-five hundred mega-watt transmission line to carry wind farm electricity from Kansas to Indiana. The governor said it'll create a lot of jobs. Ambulance drivers should make a lot of money driving electrocution victims to burn wards during tornado season.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton