Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2011 / 9 Kislev, 5772
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Postal Service released a new set of stamps Tuesday which honor history's most famous vegetarians. What a clever con. The Postal Service is gambling that vegetarians will buy up all the stamps before they begin using them and realize they are licking a horse.
Charlie Sheen was cheered on the streets of Bogota Thursday while he was scouting locations for a movie he wants to make about a Colombian drug cartel. Every year Charlie Sheen's visit is like Black Friday down there. It's when they all become profitable.
Joseph P. Kennedy III was reported considering a run for the seat vacated by Barney Frank Thursday. He's a thirty-year-old prosecutor in Cambridge. Nobody ever thought that when Barney Frank's seat came up for grabs it would be a Kennedy that reached for it.
The DEA discovered an underground tunnel from Tijuana to San Diego used by drug smugglers that's eight feet high and six feet wide and equipped with rail tracks. That's not even the worst part of it. It was paid for by a stimulus grant for high-speed rail.
The Dow Jones average rose Wednesday on news that German banks agreed on a plan to bail out the Eurozone. It would require the continent to live under German financial supervision. When you ask a German bank for a loan they reply that they will ask the questions.
Iranian mobs stormed the British Embassy in Teheran Monday and took five hostages, sparking an international stand-off. Right now unemployment is high, prices are high, morale is low, and Iran just took hostages. If Barack Obama were any more like Jimmy Carter he'd have a farm with peanuts on it instead of an economic plan with peanuts in it.
President Obama told a New York City fundraiser Wednesday that his daughters will be successful even if America isn't. He said they'll be living in gated communities when the rest of the country may not even have a chance. President Obama has a premonition his kids are going to be very rich and he doesn't even know they're writing a book about him.
House Republicans proposed a bill on Thursday designed to end the federal funding of presidential elections and national political conventions. This could actually work in the Democrats' favor. One way to finally tax the rich is to make them buy the candidates.
Australia placed Kim Kardashian on its immigration watch list Friday for conducting business while in the country as a tourist. Their zoologists classify TV reality stars as an invasive species. Once you let one of them in they take over your TV networks and crowd out all the scripted programming, turning actors and writers into dodo birds and dinosaurs.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton