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Feb. 8, 2013
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Jewish World Review
Dec. 22, 2011
/ 26 Kislev, 5772
Basketball the way to Kim's heart and nuclear weapons
By
Dale McFeatters
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The National Basketball Association could have saved the world a lot of grief by drafting Kim Jong Un, before he became North Korea's dictator-in-waiting.
Young Kim, like his all-around athletic father, was a serious basketball fan. At his Swiss prep school, he idolized Michael Jordan, had a Kobe Bryant poster on the wall of his dorm room and played NBA basketball nonstop on his PlayStation.
He had photos of himself with Toni Kukoc of the Chicago Bulls and Bryant of the Lakers, apparently taken during NBA games in Europe to which Kim was chauffeured by a North Korean embassy car.
And he had a large collection of Nikes that were the envy of his classmates.
Would it have hurt the Cleveland Cavaliers to take a chance on the kid if it meant he wouldn't blow up Tokyo or start a war with South Korea? He is said to be of "medium height," which in his undernourished country means he is taller than most and in the rest of the world shorter than most. Point guard Muggsy Bogues, at 5-foot-3 the NBA's shortest player, lasted 14 seasons with four teams.
True, there might be personality issues. Kim is said to be "sadistic and unpredictable," which wouldn't have stopped many colleges from recruiting him and "more mercurial and merciless" than his late father, which wouldn't have stopped most pro franchises from keeping him.
If the North Koreans are to be believed -- and who wouldn't believe a country whose motto is "dishonesty is the best policy" -- Kim Jong Un comes from remarkably athletic stock; his father Kim Jong Il, who died this week at roughly age 69, was surrounded by his wine cellar and travelling harem.
Kim senior is said to have "Dear Leader" embroidered on his bowling shirt, the one he wore when he bowled a perfect 300 in his first game ever.
At age 52, he took up golf and on a 7,700-yard course scored 11 holes in one and 38 under par the first game out and did it swinging righty and putting lefty with a putter of his own design. That's remarkable power from someone only 5-foot-2 with a tendency to fall over in his "heightening shoes" that made him 5-foot-6.
Despite suggestions that he get his PGA card and go on the tour, it was the last time he ever golfed.
His coaching career was one of his few conspicuous failures, perhaps because the North Korean soccer team has to play for the World Cup in public in a neutral country. Dear Leader was said to be relaying running tactical instructions to the coach through an invisible cellphone of his own design.
Despite the superior advice, the team was blown out three straight in the first round, including a 7-0 lost to Portugal, and returned home in disgrace to face orchestrated public ridicule.
One of Kim Jong Il's most treasured possessions was said to have been a signed Michael Jordan basketball presented to him by then-Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.
And Kim Jong Un is expected to be glued to the TV Sunday when the NBA starts its foreshortened regular season with five televised games. Next time we start dealing with Kim over the nuclear weapons program, instead of offering gold, food and financial aid, why don't we offer him an NBA franchise for Pyongyang?
One thing is certain: The games will be sellouts -- or else.
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Previously:
• 12/21/11 Speculation and wishful thinking can get scary
• 12/20/11 A third Kim has North Korea by the throat
• 12/19/11 Congress pats itself on back for budget bill
• 12/15/11 The U.S. government is cashing in its chips, literally
• 12/14/11 TSA might try trusting its own people
• 12/12/11 That $1.2 billion? It's around here some place
• 12/09/11 State Department Creates Virtual Embassy For Iran
• 12/08/11 If you've ever tweeted, you're in the Library of Congress
• 12/07/11 Discoveries go to the core of what makes us humans
• 12/06/11 Stealing elections badly in Russia
• 12/05/11 Sometimes paranoia is common sense by another name
• 12/02/11 When the U.S. truly became one nation
• 12/01/11 Last chance to snap up a Maybach
• 11/30/11 Iran wants respect without earning it
• 11/29/11 Surprise! Spider-Man may weave a profitable web
• 11/28/11 Italians entertain novel proposition: Paying their taxes
• 11/25/11 No time to let up on al-Qaida
• 11/24/11 Congress Quietly Abolishing Friday
• 11/23/11 Cleaning up after supercommittee implosion
• 11/22/11 Jailing minors with adults adds to problems
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• 10/31/11 NATO should not be a victim of its success
• 10/28/11 Iran mulls getting rid of president and presidency
• 10/27/11 Bienvenidos a Dayton and bring your businesses with you
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• 10/06/11 Uncle Sam's answer to deadbeats --- robo-calls
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• 09/29/11 Europeans bristle at Obama's lectures
• 09/28/11 Jessica Rabbit for the defense
• 09/27/11 Russia learns outcome of next March's presidential election
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• 09/23/11 This generation needs a job more than a name
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• 09/06/11 Congress returns, tanned, rested and testy
• 09/05/11 Space nations must clean up after themselves
• 09/02/11 Osama bin Laden died a failure and he knew it
• 09/01/11 Time to retire political pie in the face
• 08/31/11 Labor Day celebrates what, exactly?
• 08/30/11 These arrestees really are framed
• 08/25/11 When in an earthquake, block traffic
• 08/23/11 A case for discretion in deportation arrests
• 08/22/11 Tough times or not, parents shell out for school
• 08/18/11 Being unpleasant for fun, profit, promotion
• 08/17/11 Time to prepare for the end game in Libya
• 08/16/11: Super Committee starts facing reality
• 08/15/11: World's fastest plane disappears even faster
• 08/12/11: British cops track rioters through security cameras
• 08/11/11: Relax. There is no Death Star
• 08/10/11: House pages run final errands
• 08/09/11: U.S. treading water on job creation
• 08/08/11: Uncle Sam, the world's permanent guest
• 08/05/11: Most 9/11 victims not on federal death records
• 08/04/11: Russian PM calls U.S. a parasite. He should be so lucky
• 08/03/11: Congress goes from one bind to another
• 08/02/11: D.B. Cooper may no longer be a mystery
• 08/01/11: Libya's latest weapon against NATO --- lawsuits
• 07/29/11: He'll always be known as Hot Wheels Handler
• 07/25/11: Recruiting children to save a dying town
• 07/22/11: Bachmann's admirable medical candor
• 07/12/11: Social Security's grave mistakes
• 07/08/11: Debt crisis need not be constitutional crisis
• 07/07/11: Startups entice new talent with kickball, treehouses
• 07/05/11: Stranded tourists get rare treat
• 06/30/11: The dollar Americans refuse to spend
• 06/27/11: The hangman doesn't cometh
© 2011, SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE
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