Jewish World Review Dec. 17, 2010 / 10 Teves, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Washington D.C. lost decades of drunk driving convictions when faulty breathalyzer machines were uncovered Tuesday. Thousands of drivers will be cleared of DUI charges. Like all Kennedys, Teddy Kennedy's reputation continues to improve the longer he's gone.
Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg was named Time magazine's Man of the Year. He ended espionage as we know it. Nowadays if James Bond wants to know the secrets of another government he simply goes onto their Facebook page and waits for them to spill their guts.
President Obama's health care reform law was ruled unconstitutional on Tuesday, setting back the liberal quest for government-run health care. There's a lot of confusion about ObamaCare. Democrats think it's a pill while Republicans think it's a suppository.
The U.S. Senate passed a tax cut extension deal Wednesday before House Democrats were pressured to pass a similar measure. The nation's needs are simple. Americans simply want some way of getting back on their feet other than having their cars repossessed.
Harry Reid tried to ram through a trillion-dollar year-long budget Wednesday, which gives the defeated Democrats a year's worth of goodies in a maneuver that's never been tried by the defeated party in a lame duck session. The national frustration is enormous. Charlie Sheen just called Harry Reid and asked him if he's ever heard of going quietly into the night.
President Obama hosted a meeting of America's top corporate CEOs on Wednesday. They discussed ways to grow business and hire more people. The U.S. economy is so bad that African television stations are showing Sponsor an American Child commercials.
Nigerian underwear bomber Umar Abdulmutallab was arraigned Tuesday for trying to blow up a Detroit-bound airliner with explosives in his underwear. He was spotted by other people on the plane. Sometimes a guy forgets his assigned task when he sees Michael Jordan and shows him his Hanes.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton