Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2010 / 3 Teves, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The U.S. Mint in Philadelphia printed up a billion unusable one-hundred-dollar bills Tuesday. It was a small printing error. Benjamin Franklin cannot be depicted with his baseball cap on backwards, no matter how much street cred the look gives to the currency.
The White House sought custody of Julian Assange Tuesday after he was detained in London. This is globalization. Only in today's world could an Australian hiding in Britain while operating a website in Sweden find himself getting arrested for un-American activity.
WikiLeaks revealed that Saudi youth are rejecting jihad because they like watching Desperate Housewives and David Letterman every night. Our advantage is obvious. Islam has strict religious law while the West has adultery and TiVo so you don't miss a night of it.
Sarah Palin's credit card accounts were disrupted Wednesday when hackers rallied to attack WikiLeaks critics. She drove to the grocery store to buy dinner and her credit card was declined. So she walked out into the parking lot and shot her own pheasant.
President Obama sent Joe Biden to Capitol Hill Wednesday to persuade Democrats to extend tax cuts to the rich. Last week Obama made Biden defend the dismal jobs report. All the great Chicago gangsters used an Irish lawyer to get all the dirty work done.
President Obama was blasted by Democrats Wednesday for giving the GOP tax cuts, earned income tax credits and lower payroll taxes. Democrats and Republicans agree on only one thing now. If Obama had been an Indian chief, Custer would have died of old age.
Oprah Winfrey broke into tears denying she is a lesbian during her Barbara Walters interview for tonight. Women will always adore her. Yesterday Oprah's studio audience in Chicago went absolutely wild when she gave each member a tax cut and a Chilean miner.
The National Archives released more never-before-heard Richard Nixon Oval Office audiotapes Friday. His language is shockingly vulgar, sexist, racist and sprinkled with the N-word. That's why Richard Nixon is widely acknowledged today to be the father of Hip-Hop.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton