Jewish World Review Dec. 1, 2010 / 24 Kislev, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama needed twelve stitches in his lip after he got elbowed in the mouth playing basketball Friday. He's okay now. The doctor had no trouble stopping the bleeding but it took glassworkers two days to glue his Teleprompter back together in time for work Monday.
Homeland Security said Monday it's planning a new terror alert warning code to replace yellow, orange and red alerts. They want everyone's full attention. Instead of color codes they're just going to tell you if the TSA is playing hard to get today.
President Obama expressed anger Monday over the leaked WikiLeaks documents revealing the secret content of trans-Atlantic State Department cables. He is livid. President Obama left specific directions that the U.S. and Britain were not to run the world.
Hillary Clinton was revealed by WikiLeaks Monday to have ordered U.S. diplomats to spy on U.N. delegates from other countries. She wanted to know everything. When you've been with Bill Clinton for forty years you know better than to take anyone's story at face value.
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange remained in Swedish custody on Monday pending appeal of a sex assault charge against him. That case against him is on shaky grounds. They may let him off with a slap on the wrist so the most we can hope for is osteoporosis.
WikiLeaks documents were reportedly leaked to the website by a twenty-two-year-old U.S. intelligence analyst. He's right out of school. Someday Ivy League schools may be held liable for the damage their products cause, just like cigarette makers and gun manufacturers.
Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah was revealed by WikiLeaks Monday to be lobbying the U.S. to bomb Iran's nuclear plants. The cables also acknowledge that the Saudis support al-Qaeda. In other revelations, top secret diplomatic cables reported that Charlie Sheen is single again.
Afghan officials charged Friday the man whom they believed was the senior Taliban commander with whom they held secret talks was an impostor. The signs were right there. Every time the chit-chat turned to Texas high school football the guy crossed himself.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton