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Jewish World Review Dec. 31, 2010 / 24 Teves, 5771 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The U.S. Treasury braced itself for Monday when Baby Boomers start turning sixty-five. Seven thousand boomers a day will begin getting pension checks and benefits. A twenty-something's only chance ever to collect Social Security is to marry Hugh Hefner. 
Brett Favre was fined by the NFL Wednesday for refusing to cooperate in the text-message probe. The evidence was inconclusive and he refused to testify. It takes a great quarterback to run the Nixon play the way it was originally diagrammed on the chalkboard.
The Rose Bowl welcomed Wisconsin fans to Pasadena Tuesday where the local bars did big business. It's a party school. Wisconsin has a sign over the college cafeteria entrance which reminds the students that breakfast is the most important drink of the day.
Prince William and Kate Middleton said they will have no chef and no butlers and no housemaids in their home. That's wise of them. British schools are so good that even the cable guy is capable of writing a best-selling tell-all book about you if he sees anything.
Ford Motors now offers a device that allows parents to block Howard Stern's radio show on their teenager's car. There's a way, kids. Just hot-wire any car parked outside any strip club and when the car starts you'll be listening to the Howard Stern Show in progress.
Bill Clinton was warned by Chicago's black leaders on Wednesday to butt out of the city's mayor's race. How soon they forget. Bill Clinton was so widely acknowledged as America's first black president that he can't get into one country club on Long Island.
President Obama vowed to get the Dream Act passed next session, calling it a tribute to America's diversity. Last week the U.S. Census said there are three hundred and eight million people living in the United States. A good half of them are believed to be Americans.
The White House began preparing for China's president Hu Jintao's official state visit in ten days. It can be a bit tricky. The Office of Protocol has been dispatched to buy him an appropriate gift but it's a little awkward buying somebody a gift with their own money.
President Obama continues vacationing today in Hawaii under the close watch of the Secret Service. Their job is to make sure the president enjoys complete privacy. Last night there was a luau on a private beach attended by Barack and Michelle and the Salahis.
Danish police stopped an al-Qaeda attack on a Copenhagen newsroom Tuesday. The jihadists are still angry over the paper's cartoon of Muhammed five years ago. Prophets are like presidents, they appear to be confident but if you exaggerate their ears they release the hounds.
WikiLeaks' Julian Assange agreed to write his memoirs for one million dollars on Monday. He hacked into U.S. government computers and revealed every U.S. government secret to the world. This is the biggest invasion of privacy since the invention of Facebook. Broadway's Spider-Man show lost the actor playing Spider-Man after he shattered his leg leaping from a balcony onto the stage. The role has always inspired actors to be gutsy. America lost perhaps its greatest president because John Wilkes Booth had just seen Spider-Man and was sure he could get away.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
