Jewish World Review Dec. 1, 2009 / 14 Kislev 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama was shown in photos Friday smiling with the couple who crashed his state dinner. The photos showed the husband, the wife and the president. If it's a crime to talk your way into the White House without a background check, all three of them could face charges.
Joe Biden flashed a big smile in pictures with the couple who crashed Tuesday's state banquet as part of their audition for a reality show. Joe was glad to pose with them. If he can help get them cast in that reality show, he gets credit for creating his first two jobs.
The global climate conference meets in Copenhagen this week to propose national controls on industry and people to battle global warming. It's a phantom issue. Last night it was so cold in Florida that Tiger Woods' wife was sticking to her story.
Tiger Woods hit a fire hydrant and a tree while backing out of his driveway in his Escalade. Scrutiny was intense. Johnny Miller said considering the narrowness of the driveway and the placement of the fire hydrant, he should have gone with the Buick.
Tiger Woods was found by cops Thursday lying on the street bleeding with his Swedish blonde wife standing over him with a six-iron. How chilling. It made people wonder for the first time in fifteen years if it's possible that O.J. killed Nicole in self-defense.
Donny Osmond was named the winner of ABC's Dancing with the Stars. He's been wowing television viewers since he was a child star with his brothers. It just shows what Michael Jackson might have achieved had he observed the dosing instructions.
President Obama will announce his Afghanistan strategy tonight at West Point. It's amazing how fast his popularity's dropped. George W. Bush was in office seven years before he had to announce things at military bases to make sure he got applause.
President Obama pardoned a turkey at the White House Wednesday. He pardoned one turkey, then pardoned a second turkey in case the first one can't fulfill his duties at Disneyland. You never know when nude photos of the turkey might show up on the Internet.
New Zealand warned ships Wednesday that gigantic icebergs have just broken off from Antarctica due to much warmer weather. Species are desperate to survive. The penguin mating ritual on the South Pole now includes insincere chitchat in the hot tub.
Roman Polanski stalled his extradition to California for having sex and doing drugs with a teenage girl in L.A. in the Seventies. She was off school that day. Whenever Roman Polanski entertained at Jack Nicholson's house, it was a snow day.
President Obama caused eyes to roll while toasting India's Prime Minister last week. He praised India for being worthy of the honor of his first state dinner. We have a president who gazes up at the heavens and thinks of it as his MySpace page.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton