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Jewish World Review Dec. 18, 2008 / 21 Kislev 5769 Women and tools are like grease, water By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | While some have sneered at girl-astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper (which is too long to ever type again so I'll just call her "Paris") losing a $100,000 tool kit in space last week, I say You. Go. Girl. It was brilliant really. I mean there's poor Paris working with a (ick!) grease gun and, while she's cleaning up, the bag "slips" out of her grip, the tools fall away into the Final Frontier and back at Mission Control, they hear her mumble, "Oh, great." Yes! Great! What a terrific way to make sure that, from now on, maybe they'll let you stay inside the cute capsule thingy and make muffins for the rest of the crew. Crazy like a fox, you! I'm only slightly worried that one day in the distant future, some poor kid in an Oklahoma trailer park is going to get hit in the head by a grease gun falling from outer space. And his daddy will say, "Son, I bet that's the grease gun that girl astronaut lost a few years back. Whoa. That's gonna leave a mark." I decided Paris did it on purpose to get out of work because she wasn't nearly as contrite as she should've been after losing the expensive tools needed to maintain the spacecraft. She said: "Despite my little hiccup, I think we did a great job out there!" You think? This is a slammin' new version of the old chestnut, "But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?" NASA, once again finding itself with powdered egg in a tube on its collective face, didn't have the exact reaction I would've predicted. Something along the lines of "ARE YOU A @#$%^-ING MORON? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GOT A HOME DEPOT UP THERE TO BUY NEW ONES!" No, NASA took a kinder, gentler approach praising Paris and saying she "showed real character and great discipline" by continuing on and doing a fine job for the rest of the spacewalk, sharing her fellow astronaut's tools, which I'm sure pleased him no end. ("You think you can hold onto that caulking gun? It was my granddaddy's.") So if she was trying to avoid work, it backfired. NASA did say it was a bit odd that Paris lost the tool kit because normally it's tethered to a much larger bag. Maybe she just thought they didn't go together. That whole tandem bag thing is just so 1992. The spin doctors at Mission Control have managed to make it seem almost laudable that there's a bag of taxpayer-paid-for parts floating out there in space. "We really appreciate how hard you all are working," they said in a peppy little message to Paris and crew. Which just makes me wonder if NASA is, well, high. Next up: Working on a $154 million machine that converts urine to drinking water. Something tells me Paris's muffins are gonna taste funny. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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