Jewish World Review Dec. 30, 2008 / 3 Teves 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New England Patriots star Tom Brady proposed to supermodel Gisele Bundchen on Friday. There's certainly nothing shallow about this relationship. The prenuptial agreement specifies the marriage is null and void if either one of them gains a pound. Philadelphians were startled by gunshots in a movie theater on Christmas Day. One man shot and wounded another man for talking during the movie. You knew that when Tom Cruise decided to portray a Nazi war hero, it wasn't going to draw the Batman audience.
Barack Obama's vacation home lost power from lightning strikes in Hawaii late Friday. It tested his coolness during an emergency. Everyone was hoping the new president could handle three hours without SportsCenter better than the last one did.
Cocaine Cowboys will be made into an HBO series based on the hit documentary about the drug and disco era, with actors playing the drug kings. However, the clock is ticking on producers. Filming has to be completed before Texas Stadium is imploded.
The New York Bar Association reported Friday that Wall Street woes are causing law firms to go out of business. A lot of people are switching careers. Due to the economic downturn Santa Claus no longer brings gifts to houses, he's a contract killer.
Wall Street set up a hotline for brokers and investors to phone for counseling if they feel overwhelmed by recent losses. Hedge fund managers say it's worse than divorce. They're worth half of what they used to be worth, and they are still married.
Governor Rod Blagojevich threatened to subpoena nationally prominent Democrats if he's impeached for trying to sell a Senate seat. He was caught on tape fixing the price. The state license plate should advertise Illinois as the Land of Franklins.
NASA announced plans Thursday to begin sending unmanned spacecraft to re-supply the International Space Station next year. There's no reason to risk lives when it's not necessary. They can't afford to lose any more astronauts to the Lover's Triangle.
John Lennon appealed for donations in a commercial for One Laptop Per Child on Friday, twenty eight years after he was killed. The producers used digital technology to duplicate the Beatle's exact image and voice. In the next commercial he warns all the children that if they use the laptops to download his songs he will haunt them.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton