Jewish World Review Dec. 12, 2008 / 15 Kislev 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New York ad mogul Donny Deutsch was caught with a woman who's married to hedge fund mogul Andrew Sandler. The divorce trial will pit two billionaires fighting over a blonde. It's fair to say that men are like Illinois, they are governed by nuts.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday for trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat. His family is so proud. Rod Blagojevich could go down in history as the only Serbian leader whose trial didn't end up at the International Criminal Court.
Governor Rod Blagojevich didn't show up for work in Chicago on Wednesday. Just his luck, it was national call-in-sick if you're gay day. He may have to resign as governor of Illinois but he's leading all polls to be the next governor of California.
Barack Obama cut all ties to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich Thursday. He's also disowned Jeremiah Wright and Tony Rezko. Having Chicago as a hometown for an incoming president is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.
TV host Anderson Cooper dove unprotected into a pool of Great White sharks on CNN this week. He's an heir to the Vanderbilt fortune. The market is doing so badly that wealthy families have decided to spend the holidays collecting each other's life insurance.
Beatles producer Phil Spector's re-trial for murdering an actress resumed last week in L.A. The defendant wore a shaggy wig, white suit and open-collar shirt into court. The easiest way to get an L.A. jury on your side is to look like you're holding.
John Daly got angry at a fan at the Australian Open Thursday who surprised him on the golf course with an up-close camera flash. The golfer grabbed the camera in anger and threw it in the trees. It was the nineteenth fairway he had missed that day.
Bill Clinton was told Thursday he may have to testify at Hillary's confirmation hearings in the Senate about his library donations. This will be fun. He had a cabinet that looked like America and a donor list that looked like a terrorist training camp.
Hillary Clinton's salary as Secretary of State had to be cut Thursday so she can take the job legally. She blew the Democratic primaries, then took a salary cut and now everyone's talking about Caroline Kennedy taking her place. Hillary Clinton is the first public figure in American history to make the cover of Masochists Monthly twice.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton