Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2008 / 8 Kislev 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Plaxico Burress was wounded when his gun accidentally went off in his waistband in a nightclub Sunday. He claimed he was carrying it to protect his jewelry. If he really wanted to protect the family jewels, he was an idiot to put a gun in his pants.
Barack Obama was reported Monday to be buying a thirty thousand dollar diamond ring for his wife. He rides in a limo, travels with bodyguards and now he's buying jewelry. He was sick of hearing that his administration doesn't have enough diversity.
The London Times reported Thursday that German troops in Afghanistan drank two million pints of beer last year. Allied observers confirm that the German soldiers are fat and drunk and out of shape. Like airbags in automobiles, it's a safety measure.
Jeb Bush was asked by Florida Republicans Wednesday to consider running in two years for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by the departing Mel Martinez. Don't laugh. Jeb Bush has tremendous name recognition, and if he can overcome that, he's in.
New York Daily News reporters were able to use a laptop computer on Tuesday to transfer the ownership of the Empire State Building into their own names and obtain all the documents they needed to get a mortgage loan on it. It was worth a try. Fraudulent lending got us into this mess and perhaps fraudulent lending can get us out.
The National Archives released more of President Nixon's Oval Office tapes. They reveal Don Rumsfeld warning Nixon against covert domestic spying three years before Watergate. He saw the future so clearly he put everything he owned into peanut futures.
David Gregory reportedly was chosen to be the new permanent host of NBC's Meet the Press. The thirty-eight-year-old was born and raised in Los Angeles. He won the California statewide spelling bee in the Seventies when he correctly spelled O.D.
The Washington D.C. City Council Thursday approved the sale of alcohol around the clock at liquor stores during Inaugural Week. Bars may stay open until five in the morning. In honor of the new president they want to make everything just like Chicago.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton