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Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2008 / 13 Kislev 5769
Illinois guv offers senate seat to arresting officer
By Andy Borowitz
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Daring escape attempt caught on tape
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
In what is being called one of the most daring escape attempts in the history of law
enforcement, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich today offered the U.S. Senate seat
vacated by President-elect Barack Obama to the FBI agent who took him into Federal
custody this morning.
According to U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, the astonishing escape attempt
occurred moments after Mr. Blagojevich was handcuffed by the agent, who was wearing
a wire and captured the entire expletive-laden offer on tape.
"'You can be the [bleeping] junior Senator from [bleeping] Illinois if you let me
out of these [bleeping] handcuffs,'" Mr. Fitzgerald read from a transcript. "'And if
that mother-[bleeper] Barack Obama tries to [bleep] with me, I'll [bleep] him up.'"
According to Mr. Fitzgerald, "When I say bleep,' he didn't really say bleep' on the
tape," adding, "I'm going to keep making that joke until one of you [bleepers]
laughs at it."
Gov. Blagojevich has been charged with a laundry list of Federal crimes, including
stealing his haircut from the dad on "The Brady Bunch."