Jewish World Review Dec 24, 2007 / 15 Teves 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Mitt Romney admitted to reporters Friday he never saw his late father Governor George Romney march with Martin Luther King in the Sixties, as he claims in campaign literature. His dad was a very wealthy automobile executive. He never walked anywhere.
Washington D.C. lawyers for terror suspects said the destroyed CIA interrogation tapes prove their clients were tortured. It seems unfair. One guy has to answer twenty-year-old drug charges, and the Clintons want to know why he is leading in Iowa.
Bill and Hillary Clinton spent the weekend campaigning separately. It's a good tandem. While Hillary was in Iowa offering free health care Saturday, Bill was in Texas offering to take Jessica Simpson off Tony Romo's hands til after the Super Bowl.
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates reported back to Washington Friday following his fact-finding mission to Iraq. Despite recent military success, the government remains completely dysfunctional. Perhaps the United States isn't ready for democracy.
Rudy Giuliani ordered his New York-bound plane to turn around and return to St. Louis where he was hospitalized Wednesday. He insisted on going to Barnes Jewish Hospital. He did not want any of Mike Huckabee's people standing near the oxygen hose.
Mike Huckabee accused GOP elites of ignoring evangelical Christians Friday. He said elites look down their noses at them. Huckabee was born poor in Arkansas, and he apparently got into the Republican Party due to an error by the membership committee.
Condi Rice denounced Mike Huckabee's critique of President Bush's foreign policy Friday. He said the president's foreign policy has a bunker mentality. Reporters were able to question Condi Rice about it after she came upstairs to get a can opener.
A U.S. Navy judge ruled Thursday that Osama bin Laden's driver can be tried by a Guantanamo tribunal as a terrorist. He was captured six years ago with surface-to-air missiles in his car. He could get a reduction in his sentence for buying American.
NASA said Friday an asteroid is on a path to collide with Mars next month. The White House is monitoring the situation. People have been wondering if there's any water on Mars, but if the asteroid goes deep enough we'll find out if there's any oil.
Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams said Wednesday the Nativity Scene as shown on Christmas cards is a fiction. People see it differently. The Nativity Scene in front of the Beverly Hills courthouse shows three lawyers standing around a car wreck.
The National Enquirer reported Wednesday that John Edwards got a young lady pregnant while campaigning for president this summer. This can only mean one thing. John Edwards has decided he won't concede the adultery vote to the Clintons without a fight.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton