Jewish World Review Dec 10, 2007 / 1 Teves 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Don Imus introduced his new radio sidekick Monday, a black woman from Texas who converted to Judaism. Now he can do no black jokes, no women jokes, no Jewish jokes and no Texas Aggie jokes. Most people see snakes when they are forced to detox this abruptly.
Forbes named the New York Knicks Friday as the NBA's richest franchise, worth six hundred million dollars. The team ownership is up for grabs. With NBA coaches wearing microphones now, the team will be owned by the next three women who refuse Isiah Thomas's advances.
Rudy Giuliani's former mistress and third wife Judi Nathan reportedly got police escorts a year before his second wife even knew about her. Rudy's first wife was his cousin. All Rudy can say is that the Mormon faith may dictate how he lives, but not how he governs.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was forced by ethics laws Friday to release his donor list of California billionaires, who gave him lavish trips and huge donations to influence his decisions. It's quite an operation. The reason Arnold Schwarzenegger is at the scene of every wildfire is to tell the firefighters who gave and who didn't.
Ron Paul's supporters plan to fly a blimp from North Carolina to New Hampshire this week with an ingenious marketing ploy. They make money by advertising on the blimp while promoting the candidate's name. Once this concept is explained to Paris Hilton and Oprah Winfrey the entire country will look like a hot air balloon festival.
Donald Trump dined at the Buffalo Club in Los Angeles on Thursday and left his waiter a ten thousand dollar tip. He just wanted the publicity. He keeps hearing the candidates talk about the Supreme Being and he never sees his name in the article.
Mitt Romney stood up for his Mormon faith in a speech Thursday but he insisted his religion would never affect his policies. He compared himself to Jack Kennedy. The difference between them is, Mitt Romney would never support the idea of polygamy.
Gennifer Flowers said in Las Vegas Thursday she may vote for Hillary Clinton. She had to leave New Orleans two years ago and give up her singing career in the French Quarter. No one ever talks about the good things that Hurricane Katrina accomplished.
Keifer Sutherland went to jail for drunk driving in Los Angeles Wednesday. These are the times we live in. You can save America from a nuclear terrorist attack five times in five years and still carry no weight with Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
The NBA announced Tuesday it will sew microphones into the uniforms of players next year for game telecasts. If they want great ratings, they should sew them into their street clothes. Nothing draws viewers like gunshots and sexual harassment.
Bill Clinton told Barbara Walters Thursday he would sit in on Hillary's cabinet meetings only if asked. He said he would give his advice in private. However, he does want the doggie door restored to the third floor hallway so he can come and go at night.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton