Jewish World Review Dec 3, 2007 / 23 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Jay Leno's entire Tonight Show office staff was fired by NBC on Friday. No one was guaranteed a job when production resumes. Jay Leno may have to perform Carnac the Magnificent every night until the new staff from India gets the hang of the show.
Don Imus returns to the air today from ABC radio in New York. He was fired for making a racially insensitive remark. He's so skittish it might happen again that he has barred all Santa Claus commercials from the show until Christmas season's over.
Rudy Giuliani billed New York for police protection and car rides for his wife and his mistress. The cost was huge. And that doesn't count the salary of the air traffic controller he hired to keep them from bumping into each other in the Hamptons.
Rudy Giuliani was revealed Wednesday to have billed New York agencies for security expenses as mayor when he visited the Hamptons to cheat on his wife with mistress Judi. The bill went to the Department of Procurement. They'll never get him for lying.
Joe Biden said Thursday he's tired of his Democratic rivals for president saying he would make a great Secretary of State. He said he won't accept that job under any circumstances. The last thing he wants to do is sleep with Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton gave a speech Thursday at the huge Saddleback Church in Orange County. The evangelicals could do little but applaud politely. The Santa Ana winds had caused the fire marshals to declare a red flag alert, which means no witch burning.
Britney Spears was shown Thursday running through a bookstore while pursued by photographers. She was flanked by eight Los Angeles police officers. There are lots of volunteers for Britney Spears' security detail on any day Rodney King calls the police.
Rodney King was shot and slightly wounded twice on Thursday while he was bicycling home drunk in Southern California. He serves an important function in the ecosystem. If Los Angeles isn't burned down every fifteen years there is no room for new growth.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton