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Jewish World Review
Dec 5, 2007
/ 25 Kislev 5768
Kim Jong-Il Kicks Iran out of Axis of Evil
By
Andy Borowitz
Nukeless Nation Just ‘Not Evil Enough,’ says Korean madman
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
With a National Intelligence Estimate revealing that Iran halted its nuclear arms program in 2003, North Korean president Kim Jong-Il ejected Iran from the Axis of Evil, calling them "not evil enough."
A visibly furious Kim called a press conference in Pyongyang today to excoriate the Iranians as "evildoer wannabes" and "pussies."
"I can't tell you how many times Mahmoud Ahmadinejad looked me in the eye, told me he was developing nuclear weapons, and cackled like a madman," Kim said. "That man does not deserve to cackle."
Kim added that when Iran was admitted into the Axis of Evil in 2002, "they knew the rules: no nukes, no membership."
The National Intelligence Estimate, Kim said, showed that Iran was not holding up their end of the bargain: "They said they were enriching uranium and all the while they were going all Libya on my ass."
In the first step towards formally removing Iran from the evil organization, the North Korean strongman said he was "un-inviting" Mr. Ahmadinejad from the Axis of Evil's winter golf outing in Scottsdale, Arizona.
In a terse statement from Mr. Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president said he would agree not to attend the outing but wanted his deposit back.
As for who would take Iran's place in the Axis of Evil, Kim said there was no shortage of candidates: "Right now we're looking at Venezuela, Syria, and Rupert Murdoch."
Elsewhere, natural honey is a more effective remedy for children's coughs than over-the-counter medicines, according to a study commissioned by the National Association of Bees.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2007, Andy Borowitz
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